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I wonder how long I can fight this battle within myself. There are two sides of me, constantly battling. On the one side, I am cheerful and bright and happy and vivacious and lively and engaging. It's a magnetic and friendly personality. On the other side, I'm desperately unhappy, depressed, angry, bent out of shape, miserable full of self-doubt and impossible to deal with. Honestly, I don't know which is the real me. I don't know if I hide the ugly side behind a false front or if the ugly side is just meant to balance the other side. I know that I don't ever force myself to be happy. I don't even attempt to hide it when I am unhappy. I don't think I could even where I to try.

I don't know how anyone puts up with me. I'm so unstable sometimes. I just know that I can't be anything other than what I am. If someone can't deal with the not so great side of me, then they truly don't deserve the best side of me. On my best days, I can make a rock smile. I know that, when I smile, those around me can't help but smile. When I laugh, the people around me laugh, too, because I have that kind of laugh. It's infectious, I suppose.

I guess that the brightest of personalities must cast a shadow and, in that shadow, there lives the side that keeps that brightness so bright.