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your kisses
I would look forward to going to sleep just so that I could hug my pillow close and imagine it was you that I was holding. I used to long for sleep just to dream of kissing you all over. But now a cancer has slowly polluted my mind. The thought that you might not want me anymore. My dreams are no longer the safe haven they once were but a land of fear and sorrow. What if you've lost your feelings for me? How could I possibly ask you? To love me even though we're miles apart. Is it possible to love someone you can't see? You told me I was beautiful. Can you cherish a person you can't hold? Like my guardian, you wrapped your arms around me. Is caring for someone a possibility when you can't hear their voice, smell them, or taste them? Your kisses are the one thing from home that I miss. Would you want that? Am I worth it to you? These thoughts have changed my dreamland, I'm no longer welcome there. I dread sleep and there is no comfort for me anymore. I want to see your beautiful face again. Will you still say I'm beautiful? I want you to hold me in your arms as if you never wanted me to leave your side. Would you kiss me the same way you did when we parted ways? I want your kiss for the rest of my life. I'm constantly haunted by the fear of losing you. I thought I was finally past the fear of being rejected hah! But you mean so much more to me than anyone before. As night draws ever closer the trembling in the pit of my stomach begins....5 more days until I come home, but will it really be a home if you're not there?
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