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I thought this was interesting... I came across an old diary entry. I wonder if anyone else remembers how I was... Keep in mind that all of this is old... I just want to give a glimpse at who I was because I thought this entry was interesting:

I kind of wish he would wake up and just take me away. I know he isn't any good for me and I suppose that's what keeps him imprisoned. I can remember his eyes and touch. Though they were harsh and cold, they were something. I just want some companionship in this cold time. He loved me, wrong as it was. He still loved me. I want a piece of the devotion once more. I wish.

I leave Juliet,
I leave Romeo,
history need not repeat
for me.

don't take the key to my heart,
it is poison,
it is cruel,
no one needs die for me.

By which do you see me? You say one thing but your actions say another. I wish you knew. A swirling cloud of pink and purple wants the white of paint. I dance alone nearby but far as the cloud inside wanders. She floats, she swirls, two colors alone no more.She huffs, she puffs, but cannot see that all I want is for her to hear me... I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I'm so weak. I know you shook your head, wanting me to see. I'm sorry I can't help it. Your bliss is boiling us. We're left behind and happy for you but we want to join you too. I'm sorry I can't accept her. I wish I could my cloud but take personally the fact that you and she have secrets. Ours no longer exist because she loves you. I'm not jealous that you and she are a we but that she gets between you and me. I let her, it's true but only because I want you to be happy.

La, la, la, la
I know the wish to die
But I will survive

My weekend alone was an eye-opener. It made me feel very powerful and somehow more alive but suddenly being thrust out of that scene has weakened me. I am having problems coping and finding motivation knowing that I am not allowed to take care of myself in this other society. It feels like a new world. Cold and harsh new world that is chewing my up. I am not feeling alright.

Normalcdf and InverseNorm are just two samples of the nonsense I am learning. Why do I learn it... so I can get rid of my GED. -sigh- I would love to go to a movie with them but I have schooooooolllll.... >[ poopsickles. While Ilove being ahead of the game, I hate missing my possibly, last summer with them. Not to mention a while year apart because of college.

Red garden, red garden, red garden.

There is no way for two people to die at the same time. Scientifically and naturally it is impossible. With gunshots there is a margin of error that the gun will not fire and even if it does fire one person may bleed out before the other. In the end, the only way to end up together is to never forget the other and always remember each other. Forever.