My life isn't just about David, this section is just specifically for him. I plan on writing about all my other friends too...
Thursday, February 25, 2010;
Dear David,
I love you with all of my heart, soul, body, and mind. In the past few days, I've learned to live with the fact that you've gotten a new girlfriend... and that you were lonely. Which brings me to understand why you don't do online relationships normally.
I can only hope we'll be together forever, I just have to be patient and figure out what God has in store for me. I'm not saying that my heart isn't broken, I'm just saying I'm learning to deal with the fact that I can't have you right now and might never have you again.
But forever will I be your Dove and I know that. You remember the time you asked me what I wanted to have as a tattoo and I said that I wanted to have a snake trailing down my arm or something like that? Well, maybe I'll keep to that idea, but my first tattoo... well. I'll draw it and show you. You're the one who inspired me to want it as my first tattoo. The one I claim will forever be held in my heart as my love, my everything, my one and only, my Davie... I just wanted to let you know, that as long as you're happy I will try my hardest, just for you, to be happy for you. Just for you. As everything I've ever done, I feel, has been just for you.
I miss you, David. Talk to you soon right?
Love,
Valerie Ann Csorba
Friday, February 26, 2010;
Dear David,
I don't know if I ever told you, but on New Years, I could seriously feel the difference and I believed that this would be the best year ever. Mostly because I thought that I was going to meet the love of my life in the Summer, but when I found out about Jess... I wasn't sure what to think. My mind went blank and I blamed myself for everything.
I asked myself, "What happened?" and "What did I do?" Along with the questions, "When did he ever tell me it was over?"
I just couldn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it. I wanted all of this to be a horrible nightmare that, hopefully, I would wake up from. But now that I've found out the truth, I can't really be sure what to say anymore...
You used to be super excited when you hadn't talked to me in practically forever, it seems kind of different now. Along with you never being on anymore.
I think Jessica's changed you to where you don't want anything to do with anyone else, not even me. Dare I say it, corrupt...
And according to her comment on your note on Facebook, she's utterly and madly in love with you as I was... and she thinks you two are meant to be.
When I talked to Damaris she was so so upset with you. I don't even know where to start, she was wondering why you would do that... but because I love you to much, I told her to let it go and let you go with what you believed was correct, to let you go with what you believed God was laying out for you... In fact, a lot of people were upset with you for that... But I cleared everything up and told them to let it go and that I didn't blame you. But people were upset because they seriously trusted you and believed that we were meant to be together forever, and in their believing, most of them actually said that we were seriously meant for each other.
I just said, "If you love something, let it free. If it comes back, it was meant to be." Even though I'm seriously hoping that you will come back. You've come back once... I think that's enough to say it all.
Anyways, before this letter gets too long I'll stop.
I love you David. With all of my heart and everything. My life is nothing with out you... I swear it. And I miss you like I miss the sun at night...
Talk to you soon?
Love,
Valerie Ann Csorba
Saturday, February 27, 2010;
Dear David,
Today was actually very painful for me even though I had a lot of fun with Kathleen and my sister while we were trying to make a 'music video' type thing... Got a lot of new pictures....
But I won't complain about my being in pain... I'll just say this so I don't upset you, David I miss you... can you at least try to get on once a day to send me a message on how you're doing at least?
She's changed you David, and I don't like it... and honestly, she reminds me of me from what I've seen what she's written all over your Facebook page... I think you love her because she reminds you of me...
Love, if at all,
Valerie Ann Csorba
Sunday, February 28, 2010;
Dear David,
I had a party to go to today, but it didn't stop me from thinking of you... I'm such a dreamer that when someone looked towards the door I looked too in the hope that it would be you...
I feel so stupid. David, clearly she's in love with you... I don't blame her... but I mean going from "i <3" you one day to thinking you two are meant to be in the next few days is pretty outrageous... Don't mind me, I'm just babbling on and being an idiot...
I just wanted to say I love you... So... yeah...
Love,
Valerie Ann Csorba
Monday, March 1, 2010;
Dear David,
You told me there was nothing you could do to change anything, and there is plenty, but I just won't go into details. I'll just say, you didn't have to start dating her...
My life is now incomplete and everyday, I'm losing more and more of the strength I had before... I'm losing the faith that I had that told me you would come back even though everyone one of my friends told me you would.
David, I just don't know anymore. Did you get over being in love with me that easily? I mean, you sure seem to be in love with her...
So much for never letting me go....
Yours Without Strength,
Valerie Ann Csorba
Tuesday, March 2, 2010;
Dear David,
I kind of... don't know what to do with myself at the moment. Having to restrict myself towards you doesn't feel right... I'll just have to wait I guess...
I was talking to Kelsie, Rainbow_watermelons, and I was saying how badly I wanted you back. She said, "He will come back."
I asked, "How do you know?"
She said, "He loves you."
I asked, "How do you know he still loves me?"
She said, "Because he would be stupid not to."
I just went on for the rest of the day trying to be happy while thinking about that...
I'll talk to you later...
It's Coming Back,
Valerie Ann Csorba
Wednesday, March 3, 2010;
Dear David,
I'm sorry I upset you so much when we talked last, I was just doing what you told me to... I wasn't restricting myself. I don't know if I'll be a lesbian in a future, but if I am it won't be because of a stupid coin. I probably won't even be a full lesbian. I'll probably be 99% lesbian and 1% straight. I just won't want any other guy in my life but you. I love you with a 100% of my heart, body, soul, and mind. And if ever, I'd be glad to take you back. I still consider you my Davie, because I love you. I'll always be your own Dove, whether you think so or not.
Lately, of course, I've been forcing myself to eat, but I think that it's only making me sick. I don't know why. But maybe I should try to eat less and then work myself into serving myself more. Of course, with being heartbroken, I'm depressed, which, as you know, I don't eat when I'm depressed. But I suppose I'll live.
Stop worrying about me David. I shouldn't be that important to you if you're starting to fall for her. Just know that I love you, and if she ever breaks your heart, I'll be there to put it back together again.
One is the Loneliest Number,
Valerie Ann Csorba
Thursday, March 4, 2010;
Dear David,
I'm trying not to let this hole in my chest be noticed, but it's not working. It's going to stay there until I get you back. And don't tell me you're falling for her, you're still in love with me in some shape, way, or form, because otherwise you wouldn't care about the posts I make in the thread, or whether my orientations going to change or not because of a decision I made and a coin confirmed (let alone, you wouldn't give me a snippy answer on it either), also, you wouldn't feel the awkwardness of us two not being able to 'kiss' and such... And also, you wouldn't seem to ignore every plea of 'I love you' I make to you. You would acknowledge it and say something sweet back, not necessarily I love you, but something that showed you still did in some form.
I really wish you would log on more... we still have a lot of stuff to talk about, I think... I just... I'll talk to you later.... I love you, David... I'll be yours forever even if you don't choose to come back...
Finding Hope,
Valerie Ann Csorba
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