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I feel as though a hand reached in my chest and crushed my heart intell it fragmented to pieces. Someone who I loved almost more than my own life has hurt me so deeply I don't think I'll be able to recover....I loved her enough to shun the fear of my parent's dissaproval yet today...I found it was one-sided......Numb, empty, broken,torn are a few words you could use to describe me at this moment. I knew I really shouldn't trust someone with my heart again but I did and at my own expense. I guess I was just a foll for believeing someone could love me. Me the social fat ugly noisy outcast. I can't help but feel the urge to laugh madly rise in my throaght to simply give up and show the world my face behind my smile. The emptyness that is almost to hard to bear at times......My life song is Mad World covered by Gary Jules...It's the only song that can make me cry and the only thing that is helping my acheing heart besides my friend Tim...who I also hold close and dear to me....he's always helped me and listened to my s**t....Right now It's the only thing keeping me from simply trying to numb myself by retreating further in my shell. I can't help but ask why....do you know why? Why? why? Why must the ones I love torture me. Make me perform at my expense for their ugly fake loving smiles....and Why do I let them....?

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