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Cha'll right, stop it stupid journal |
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Alright, alright, alright. Get yourselves comfy, while I do so myself. *sits in recliner chair and reclines* Chaa, okay. I'm writing now to . . . vent, cry, complain, be "emo" for you people who like to sterotype.
First off, I'm still upset that my laptop has been broke for several months now. I've used all methods, yet it still won't connect to the internet. I mean, it is connected, but . . . it always shows "Page cannot be displayed" STILL.
My brother (The_Skull_King) is still being a total jerk. Everyday he constantly hits me. I've had a headache all day because he kept hitting my head, he almost broke my glasses too! . . . Yeah, incase you didn't know, I do wear glasses.
So, yeah, shut up about that.
My boyfriend, ohmygod I'm an IDIOT! Today I almost lost the love of my life because of my stupidity, I lost half of his trust but for some reason his love still stood strong. I don't get him sometimes . . . but today I was at a total loss of words. The only thing that came to my mind was, "Oh my gosh . . . how can I be so stupid? Why am I always so blind? I've lied enough times to hurt him permantly . . . and he sees and knows it, but now he's finally telling me . . . I'm an idiot . . ."
The words blind, lied, hurt, lust, and love all swirled in my head and I caved in. I'm confessing right here, because I know he reads my journal, yet I know "sorry" means nothing to him. But I'm writing it in stone, I'm changing for good. I'll be his perfect girl for real; I'm tired of making him hurt . . . actually I'm SICK OF IT! But I'm blind! gonk I've killed the most important promise I made to myself and yet . . . everything is still standing. Of course its just a tiny little brick maybe, but its still standing tall, I guess everything rests on me.
Now, some of you might be saying, "Ugh, she's writing about her love life? I don't care. So what? Her boyfriend gave up on her?"
No, he didn't, I only drove him to it. I took his trust and love for granted and felt like I could get away with murder, and that was really wrong of me. I know I've said it many times already, but . . .
I'm really, truly, deeply sorry Samson . . . for making you go through all of my s**t and just barely caring about your sanity. (I don't mean that in a mean way, incase you were thinking it.)
Have some faith in yourself,
Be stronger,
Stand up for yourself.
And you know I'm trying my absolute best, starting today; Wednesday, January 25th, 2006 @ 1:32 AM (eastern time).
Also, screw you depression mad
. . . And there is my rant for today . . . thank you.
 Olive_the_Monkey_Ninja · Wed Jan 25, 2006 @ 07:03am · 0 Comments |
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