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I think it's safe to say I'll be sticking around Gaia for a while...at least for longer than I have been, seeing as I've been back for about 2 weeks now.

My life and my hormones have been scaring me a lot lately. There are moments when I'm so happy that I'm literally skipping through a meadow, followed 10 seconds later by moments of contemplating suicide. I'm not even exaggerating >.< (Not like I'd actually do it. I have friends and I'm too much of a chickenshit xd )

If this is one of those "becoming-a-woman" things, I'd like to be a genderless droid. KTHX.

I think the majority of this has been sparked by the breakup. which is kind of ******** pathetic, seeing as I was dumped like...3 and a half weeks ago. >.< I'm supposed to be over it by now. And everyone around me keeps saying it'll all get better soon and ponies and unicorns will come out and start prancing under the perfect rainbow that is my life. Not that I'm impatient or anything...I guess I just wasn't expecting it to hurt THIS much for THIS long.

The fact that I still adore her, love her with every little piece of my fractured heart probably isn't helping.

I know I should stop talking to her. But I just can't. I made a promise to her that I wouldn't go away just because she broke up with me and, while some part of me believes I have absolutely no reason to keep any promise I made to her, my strong sense of morality forbids me to leave.

Not to mention I'm not sure I could go on without just knowing she's there, she's ok, she still cares about me.

I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. It's just the first time I've ever felt so strongly about anyone before. Caitlin was one thing, but for one she never loved me back, and for two she was kind of a shallow b***h troll. Sophie's not like that. I don't just love Sophie for her face like I did with Caitlin. Hell, I was with her for a good 6 months or so before I even saw her face. She actually cares about people, she's funny, she always seems to know exactly what to say...and that sexy British accent kind of helps, too. xD

I'm trying to be her friend. But every time she talks to me and acts all distant, I always think back to what we had and how it unfair it was that I was so in love with someone so far away. They say "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." But I can't smile because it didn't happen. I never actually got to hold her and tell her how much she means to me because she's three an half thousand miles away.

And the best ******** part: 3 weeks after she dumps me, mom steps forward and boldly declares, "My friend's invited us to go to England to visit her next summer, we might be able to! =D"

I think that was the universe's way of rubbing it in. Very funny.

So to sum it all up: Mood swings abound, heart trying to stitch itself back up and failing miserably, and the universe playing cosmic jokes on me. 'Tis my life.