Its...always so confusesing. This world and everything that I try to understand so clearly. There`s always someone I need, someone who I look foward to speaking to daily. Of course I got up. Once more I`d awaken sleepy I`d walk into the fountroom. Log onto chatango say what I`m doing then have a bath or do something first. At 6 am and then I`d honsetly wait......brush my hair listen to music but all in all its a waiting game. I`d log onto gaia responed to pm`s responed in my guilds and leave. Normlay I`d talk to Icewolf,Kagey the odd time I`d get a pm from a random friend. Or maybe Reiko and Ori.
For my true friends like Kagey Ori and Reiko and Hazel even through I haven`t spoken to her in along time. I`m always willing to speak too. Because their dearly importent to me. I also have Sandmoon who`m I met quite along time ago now. Who I could say was a fatefull meeting or a very random one. He had came to the hideout and I costently kept an eye out for him. The day he tryed to join my guild suprised me. Even more so..him appearing in my house everytime I looked was abit odd. He was speical in some way. Something I couldn`t prefectly put my finger on but his rping skills were prefect is grammer was prefect his styles were wonderfull and he seemed to take interest to me. But I wasen`t to clear on why. In the end I still enjoyed his company....and normaly used to wait for him to come online. Now I normaly speak to him.....and....he likes me.....alot....I also feel something for him and it isn`t so much his styles..his grammer or his charm it was just something in him. Every word he said to me was importent and normaly made me sit in my chair for a moment and think it through and I found I couldn`t ignore him. He intended to wait....like so many before him he intended to wait and the first thing going in my head was. Good luck.....as if he could really pry me open and I instently did what I always do. To people who try and pry me open. Telling him theres no way it could work out. Theres no way I could date no way I could posibely ever be with him. He responded simply with I`ll wait. Which made my heart sink alittle. Just alittle. I told him I liked someone else I told him my mother would rip him apart.....he still insistend to wait. I told him I might ditch him anyday....yet his respones stayed the same and everytime I pushed him away he`d crawl back....and soften me...what he`d say...softend me...and in the real world I found myself pounding. Every sharp word I sent him comes back with a soft loving respones......everything I do to him ends in him telling me he loves me. He intends to wait even if I leave..........which sent shivers down my spine as I sat in my chair. Love....he really loves me.....Is what I started to think. How I`m I good enough for him?.....There were times when I`d be so content with a simple answer. But when he told me who he was my mind flutterd with interest and I wanted to. Be there for him because he hid it too. Truning a blind eye to anything that brought him down and I found myself trying to pry out his emotiens in return because. Honsetly I couldn`t stand knowing they`d disappear. This loyatly this kindess and softens. I couldn`t just let him destory it with in him self because they were importent to me. They made me want to comfort him and be near him and the very idea of him trying to numb himself scared me. I had to save who he was....because that was so importent to me.......After time past I slowly started to rp with him about some eh....off fighting things?.....huging....was first....rather I let him or not he`d hug me.....and even through it soften me and made me smile I always responeded coldy. Even worse...was he could see through me....he knew I liked it...the feeling....because he`d wait....and sooner or later I couldn`t resist giving a loving respones in return. He tried kissing me.....he tried giving me a bloody hickey and promise me he`d bite my neck and I always felt traped in myself because as I`d push him away I`d try and tease him foward....like to diffenent sides pushing and pulling and I started to find myself scerming in my seat. Like a trained dog quick to responed. After awhile I allowed it and normaly abit of a tingle would light up my cheeks and I knew I was being traped....some of his respoens to me really did make me freeze. Sometimes I`d sit there and blush to myself puting my arms around myself and qustioning it. Then I deemed it as lust and told myself to stay away....and not to do that to him....Because if I did love anyone I wanted it to be a real emoten......but how could it be lust....if I was content with just his company?.....and could it be really posible that I loved someone....who I was slowly and somehow managing to slowly open too?.......and I couldn`t help but start to think about it randomly........sometimes he`d confount it and I`d squrm...He could see me hiding behinde my invisble wall and he could see how I despreatly wanted to be near him and he noticed that I was pulling myself away now. Unable to push him away from me.
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Sun and Moon
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