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Commentator: Welcome everybody, to day 4 of the MadHouse I’m your host Mr. Commentator.
Commentator: Well to start things off the big man wanted to explain why I’m here; Chris is looking more and more nuts when Andrew and Loyde walk in on him when he’s talking to the bathroom camera, that’s why I’m here. The big man wanted me to ease up on some of the tension that crazy old Chris was throwing down *
*From somewhere in the house Chris’s voice can be heard*
Chris: OH SCREW YOU ANDREW!!!!
Andrew: You’re clearly crazy Chris; the first step is admitting that you have a problem.
Mr. Commentator: Ahahahaha, oh that sly dog Andrew, anyways I’m coming to you live from an offset location from the Madhouse, cause seriously what person in their right mind would willingly go near there.
*A door is heard opening and Will cuts in*
Will: He guys there some weird guy hiding in the closet here dressed in a suit and talking into a microphone.
Mr C: OH CRAP THEY FOUND ME GOTTA HIDE.
Will: Suit guy is running up the steps, now he’s going down them, he’s heading to the basement, and he’s hiding in the cellar.
Mr C: STOP DICTATING MY ESCAPE
*Somewhere else in the house Carter is crouching down near one of the wall’s as Andrew walks towards him*
Andrew: Yo Carter, watcha looking at?
Carter: This sign.
*Carter steps a side to reveal a sign that says P.W. Line No Touchy, below it a single cord stuck out of a socket in the wall*
Andrew: What does P.W. stand for?
Carter: I have no clue.
Andrew: have you tried pulling it out?
Carter: It says no touchy though.....
Andrew: Well it isn’t electrified.
Carter: how do you know that?
Andrew: You’re standing on the cord and you’re not unconscious.
Carter: Oh.
Andrew: Dare me to pull it?
Carter: Sure why not.
*Andrew reaches forward and wraps his hand around the plug, just as Greg turns the corner and spots them*
Rygeor: JESUS NO!!!!!
*Andrew yanks out the cord and an inhuman scream rings through the house*
Carter: Holy crap what was that!!
Rygeor: You just yanked out Loyde’s Perfect World Connection.
Andrew: Ah P.W.-Perfect World, he was just to dam lazy to write it.
Carter: what was the scream though?
Rygeor: He was probably about to level up?
*the three look down the hall to see a crazy eyed Loyde staring at them holding a fire axe*
Loyde who.......pulled .........the cord.
*Andrew and Carter look at each other*
A&C: RYGEOR MADE US
*They throw the cord at Rygeor who catches it then run down the hall as fast as they can*
Loyde: I was about to level up my blade master, BUT YOU SCREWED IT UP.
Rygeor: I think I just wet myself...........
Loyde: Whoa, whoa, watch the cord dude. xd
*Andrew and Carter are halfway down the hall when Rygeor runs by the both of them with Loyde right on his tail, swinging the axe and riding a segway*
Carter: ......
Andrew: .....
Loyde: I GOT YE NAW LADDY
Rygeor: HE’S TRYING TO DISMEMBER MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
Carter: Pwned
Andrew: Woot!
Rygeor: GUPYA!!!
*Later that day another house meeting is called, though this time it is lead by Mr. C.*
Mr.C: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THE MADHOUSE, I just wanted to introduce myself, I’m Mr. Commentator, due to Chris’s mental condition-
Chris: OH COME ON!
Mr. C: I will be assisting him as the master of ceremonies for tonight.
Chef: Wait what does that leave me to do?
Mr.C: You can go play with the talking cats.
Chef: SEE SEE I TOLD YOU THEY TALKED CHRIS, I TOLD YOU.
Mr.C: Just messin with ya there chef, everyone knows that cats can’t talk you crazy son of a B***h
Chef: Why do they torture me like this.
Mr.C: Anyways insults aside, FOR TODAYS MAIN EVENT MAY I PRESENT TO YOU CONTESTANTS, MADHOUSE’S BATTALE ROYALE.
Contestants: WHAT!?!?
Mr.C: What did you think we’d have a game show like this without pitting you against each other in merciless combat, Psh.
Chris: Psh, dumba***s
Alexandra: See this is what I was talking about, now I’m going to be the first one to die.
Mr.C: Honey, we’re counting on it, and I also have a $20 bet with Chris.
Chris: If you live I’ll give you a shiny toonie.
Alexandra: ooooooo shiiinnnyyyy.
*Andrew reaches under the table and pulls out 2 magnums and points them at Rygeor and Chris*
Andrew: So what, we just try to kill each other, cause I can take two people out right now.
Rygeor: You know what, after Loyde attempted to kill me, a second attempt in the same day doesn’t really faze me.
Chris: AND WHY ARE YOU POINTING THE GUN AT ME I’M NOT EVEN A CONTESTANT.
Andrew: Then why are you in the house?
Chris: I’M THE HOST YOU IDIOT.
Chef: The mind wiper must have taken more than we thought it did.
Chris: REALLY WHAT GAVE YOU THAT IDEA!?!
Mr.C: Whoa, whoa, whoa everyone just calm down, to answer your question Andrew no we’ll be having one on one matches, the loser of the fights will leave, alive or in a coffin.
Loyde: Revenge.....Rygeor........Perfect.......World.......Dismember.
Carter: Wow you are still pissed about that aren’t you.
Jill: Uh I don’t remember reading about dying in the waiver?
Mr.C: It was in the fine print
Jill: I read the fine print
Mr.C: it was in the fine print of the fine print
Jill:.......
*Mr. Commentator pulls out a cue card and reads it to the contestant*
Mr.C: The following is the fight list and the locations of where the fights will take place after I am done reading immediately proceed to the fight area after grabbing the weapons you are planning to use*
Loyde: Rygeor, would you prefer to be torn or ripped limb from limb?
Smith: what’s that smell?
Rygeor: Fear........
Mr.C: Match-up one: Andrew vs. Will, Location: Backyard.
Andrew: MY BUTT WILL BE AVENGED!!
Will: Oh we’ll see about that.
Mr.C: Match-up two: Loyde vs. Carter, Location: Grand dining room
Loyde: Wait a minute, Carter was there when the cord was pulled so, HE MUST HAVE PULLED IT REVENGE!!
Chef: what’s that smell?
Carter: its still Rygeor’s fear, whatever it is its pungent.
Mr.C: Match-up three: Rygeor vs. Alexandra, Location: The Lava Pit
Alexandra: .....
Rygeor:.......WHY IS THERE A LAVA PIT.
Chris: cause Andrew made it.
Alexandra: and why would he do that.
Andrew: actually it was accidental, I was messing around with a toaster and a spork and next thing I know I’m falling into a crater full of Lava and Death.
Rygeor: how the hell did you not die?
Andrew: cause I’m just that epic.
Loyde: no he isn’t, he got blown to safety by a geyser of heat.
Mr.C: Match-up four: Smith vs. Jill, Location: Laundry Room
Smith:.........
Jill:........seriously?
Mr.C: Ya it says so right here, so chop, chop everyone get your gear, head to you arenas and get ready to rumble.
{Match One Andrew vs. Will Location: Backyard}
*Andrew walks out into the backyard and looks around*
Andrew: .....hmm I wonder where will is?
*A snickers bar drops down on the ground beside him*
Andrew: oooo chocolate
Will: I GOT YOU NOW
*Just as Andrew reaches to get the snickers bar, Will drops down and prepares to spear Andrews butt again, but misses as Andrew barrel rolls*
Will: WHAT, how’d you know I was gonna do that?
Andrew: CAUSE YOU ALREADY DID IT ONE BLOODY TIME!
Will: oh
*Over a loudspeaker Mr.C’s voice can be heard*
Mr.C: CONTESTANTS START YOUR MATCHES
Andrew: So clichéd.
Will: DIE!
*Will rushes Andrew with his scythe, who hand springs outta the way while kicking will in the back*
Will: oh you’re good.
Andrew: Why thank you I spar every Wednesday, oh and watch your feet.
*Will looks down to see 3 landmines surrounding him*
Will: ......how did you?
Andrew: When I hand springed.
Will: dam.....
Andrew: Bye bye.
*Andrew pulls out a detonator and pushes the button setting off the landmines around Will, when the smoke clears all that is left is a crater*
Andrew: alas poor will, hardly knew him.
*a shuriken flies past Andrew’s face, taking off a few hairs off his head*
Andrew: OH CRAP
Will: HAHAHA CAN’T KILL ME THAT EASILY!
*Andrew turns to see will balanced on one of the pillars in beside the pool*
Andrew: Oh ya
*pulls out two magnums*
Andrew: DIE!
*Andrew open fires on Will, who pulls out multiple ninja stars and throws them to stop the bullets, a few minutes later they’re both out of ammo without a scratch on either of them*
Andrew: Wow you’re good too
Will: I’m not good, I’m ninjaaaaaa
Andrew: Ok then.....
Will: Ninja technique; AIR COMBUSTION
*The air around Andrew, explodes in a marvellous display of destruction*
Will: and because I’m ninja I have ninja techniques.
*The smoke clears and Andrew is standing in the middle of a crater*
Will: HOW’D YOU SURVIVE.
Andrew: Explosion activated force field.
Will: wait, what?
Andrew: Well I’m always messing around with explosives so, I made this nifty contraption to make sure I wouldn’t die, but you gotta teach me that technique.
Will: Oh screw this
*will drops down from the pillar and charges Andrew*
Andrew: Okay then i’ll meetcha head on.
*Andrew produces two yellow blades that are section throughout*
Andrew: Lets see how you do against lightning, REV ON.
*Andrew turns the handle of the blades causing jolts of electricity to fly from the blades, he then presses a button which cause the sections to fall apart, hanging only from a wire*
Andrew: Let’s see how well you can dodge
*Andrew starts swinging the lightning lashes at Will, each crack sounding like thunder, Will expertly manages to dodge every one, after 5 minutes of swinging Andrew gives up*
Will: can’t take the heat man?
Andrew: Oh shut up you haven’t hit me yet.
Will: Oh but thats gonna change.
*Will throws down a smoke bomb and disappears leaving Andrew alone to cough in the smoke*
Andrew: GOD*cough* DAMMIT *cough*
Will: Secret technique: 1000 YEARS OF PAIN
*Will appears behind Andrew, and once again spears attempts to break Andrew’s tailbone, this time contact is made*
Will:.....
Andrew:........
Will: OH GOD MY FINGERS
*Will falls on the ground holding his hand*
Will: DO YOU HAVE BUNS OF STEEL OR SOMETHING?
Andrew: no just steel boxers.
Will:........seriously.
Andrew: Ya and you wouldn’t believe how long it took to make them.
*Will disappears back into the smoke and repositions himself on one of the pillars*
Will: wonder what he’s gonna do now.
*The smoke clears once again to reveal Andrew standing there shouldering a hammer that says 10T on it*
Will: NOW THATS NOT FAIR.
Andrew: WHACK A MOLE
*Andrew jumps at will and swings the hammer, will dodges in the nick of time as the pillar is slammed into the ground*
Andrew: Hey stop moving
Will; STOP SWINGING DAMMIT!
*Andrew runs at the new pillar that will is on and slams through the side of it with the hammer, shattering it*
Will: wait a minute, there is no way you could carry that hammer, it can only be one thing.
Andrew: Oh and whats that?
Will: HAAAAAAX
*Out of nowhere a computer flies by and hits Andrew square in the face, causing him to drop his hammer which lands on a lightning lash and evaporates*
Andrew: NOOOO BESSIE
Will: SCREW IT LETS END THIS
ANDREW: FINE THEN
*They both run at each other preparing to punch one another out, but as they’re about to make contact they both step on one of the lightning lashes Andrew carelessly tossed*
Andrew: oh...
Will: ...crap
*BZZZT*
{Match one complete Contestants: Will, Andrew Location: Backyard Outcome: Tie}

{Match Two Carter vs. Loyde Location: Grand Dining room}
*the scene opens up with Carter and Loyde sitting at opposite ends of a grand dining table, Carter has he feet on the table leaning back slightly in his chair, while Loyde is sitting with his hands in his lap*
Carter: hmm wonder when the match is gonna start?
Loyde: I ‘m going to rip out your eyeballs, shove them up your A** so you can watch me kick you A**.
Carter: Seriously you gotta let things like this go, seriously
Loyde: I WAS ABOUT TO LEVEL UP YOU F***ER.
*Over a loudspeaker Mr.C’s voice can be heard*
Mr.C: CONTESTANTS START YOUR MATCHES
Loyde: DIE!!
*Loyde vaults onto the table and runs straight for carter*
Carter: oh boy here we go, HUP
*Carter flips backwards off the chair kicking it mid flip and sending it hurtling towards Loyde, who punches through it with his Chainsaw boxing gloves*
Loyde: REVEEEEEENGE!!
Carter: looks like I’m gonna need a direct approach.
*Carter pulls out a short blade from behind his back, which with a flick of his wrist extends into a three meter long sword*
Loyde: over compensatory much.
Carter: Die
*Carter swings the sword towards Loyde who meets it head on with a punch, the minute they meet sparks begin to fly everywhere, after a few more exchanges Carter manages to knock Loyde onto his butt*
Carter: YOU’RE DONE!
*Carter swings his sword down at Loyde, at the very last second Loyde snaps his fingers and a shimmering panel stops the sword cold*
Carter: WTF!!!!!
Loyde: It’s my prisms ring *holds up his hand, showing the ring* every time I snap a prism of any shape I want will appear anywhere I want.
Carter: Dam, this is gonna be tricky.
Loyde: ESPECIALLY AFTER THIS !!*SNAP*
*A prisms in the form of a fist, appears around carter’s crotch and then and full speed comes into contact with it*
Carter: GUBPYA!
*Carter falls to the ground holding what was once precious to him but is now no more*
Loyde: REVENGE IS MINE
Carter: DIE!
*Carter rolls until he is facing Loyde, then from out of nowhere he produces a flintlock pistol and shoots at Loyde, but due to the pain he misses completely and destroys the prism ring*
Loyde: Noooo my ring
Carter: NOW DIE!!
*Carter aims at Loyde again and fires, but instead of a gunshot, only a click is heard*
*Click*
Loyde:......
*Click*
Carter:...... oh ya I only have one shot :XP
Loyde: Fail...
Carter: DIE LIKE THIS THEN.
*Carter swings his sword at Loyde who blocks it with his boxing gloves, after a few moments of the chains grinding on the sword, both of them break into pieces*
Loyde:.......
Carter:........
Loyde: so what do we do now?
Carter: well at this point all I could really manage would be a slightly pathetic slap fight.
Loyde: I’m too lazy to do anything more than that too
Carter: So we’re done?
Loyde: Ya we’re done
Carter: You still want revenge
Loyde: Does Andrew like chocolate milk?
{Match two complete Contestants: Carter, Loyde Location: Grand Dining room Outcome: Tie}

{Match 3 Alexandra vs. Rygeor Location: The Lava Pit}
*The scene opens up with Rygeor wandering around a pit of Lava*
Rygeor: God dammit where’s Alexandra, this heat is killing me.
*Up ahead some of the steam clears to reveal Alexandra standing there, motionless*
Rygeor: Well that was convenient.
*Over a loudspeaker Mr.C’s voice can be heard*
Mr.C: CONTESTANTS START YOUR MATCHES
Rygeor: Well here I come.
*from the confines of his sleeves two 12” knives drop out of Rygeor’s sleeves and into his hands, he then proceeds to throw one of these at Alexandra while rushing her with the other*
Rygeor: VICTORY IS MINE.
Alexandra:......
*At the very last moment Alexandra grabs the knife out of the air barehanded and throws it into the ground*
Rygeor: HOW THE HEL-
*Alexandra grabs Rygeor, disarms him and the suspends him over the pit by his neck*
Rygeor: GAH.....CHOKING....PAIN.....BATS......HELP!
*Alexandra releases Rygeor, who then begins to plummet towards the pit of fiery death. Just before impact a swarm of bats swoops under him and lifts him back up to the battlefield*
Rygeor: Phew
*As Rygeor goes over the edge of the cliff he sees Alexandra there holding a boulder 20x her size over her head, preparing to throw it at Rygeor*
Rygeor: S**T BATS ATTACK.
*All of the bats make a beeline for Alexandra, and due to their speed the shred her clothing like scissors to paper
Rygeor: OH gawd not meant to se-HEY WAIT A MINUTE.
*Standing there where Alexandra used to be was a terminator robot, now sliced to bits by the razor bats*
Rygeor: well if she isn’t there then......BATS-SEARCH
*The bats scatter and begin using supersonic waves to search for Alexandra, in a few moments they are all hovering around a single strange rock formation*
Rygeor: hmm suspicious
*Rygeor whips out two axes from behind his back slice down the middle of the ‘rock’, the camo canvas splits almost instantly, revealing Alexandra*
Alexandra: EEEEKK
Rygeor: THERE YOU ARE
Alexandra: How’d you beat the terminator?
Rygeor: HOW’D YOU GET THE TERMINATOR WOULD BE A BETTER ONE.
Alexandra: Andrew.....
Rygeor: Of course.....
Alexandra: so are you gonna....you know......kill me?
Rygeor: Well I wasn’t going to...
Alexandra: Oh thank god
Rygeor: BUT AFTER YOU SICKED THE TERMINATOR ON ME I DECIDED F**K IT.
Alexandra: EEEKKKK
Rygeor: DIEEEEE
???: LOOK OUT BELOOOOOOOOWWWWW
*Rygeor and Alexandra look up to see a giant hotdog dropping towards them
Rygeor: OH S**t
Alexandra: Uh Oh Hot Dog
*CRASH*
*After the smoke from the crash clears, a giant hot dog car is revealed with Andrew and Will in the front*
Will: Excellent a five-point landing
Andrew: Sweet I never get this spot!
Will: LONG LIVE THE AUSTIN MINOR WEINER CAR
Andrew: ....wait did you hear something, it sounded like a groan
Will: How is that possible there’s no one up here but us
*Under the car Alexandra and Rygeor are pinned down by car*
Rygeor:.....ow
Alexandra: Ya just shut off that camera we’re done
{Match three complete Contestants: Alexandra, Rygeor Location: Lava Pit Outcome: Got pwned by the contestants from match one}

{Match 4 Jill vs. Smith Location: The laundry room}
Jill:......
Smith:......wow they didn’t even bother to clean up in here, this place is a Mess.
Jill: GRAAAAAAAA
*Jill lunges at Smith, stabs her hand into his chest and pulls out his heart*
Distant voice: FATALITY
Smith: well.....this......sucks......
*Smith falls to the floor as his blood begins to pool around him*
*Over a loudspeaker Mr.C’s voice can be heard*
Mr.C: CONTESTANTS START YOUR MATCHES
Jill: Done.....

*Later that day, Chris, Chef and Mr.C are all gathered around a small table discussing the day events*
Mr.C: so gents what did ya think of the Battelle Royale
Chris: you know, I think this is the best part of the job, watching the contestants try to rip each other to pieces, hell if I wasn’t getting payed I’d still do this show.
Chef: Well I think that this fight was an expression on man’s desire to harm one another by any means necessary.
Chris: what are you gay?
Chef: hey I’m just repeating what the cats told me.
Mr.C: ok maybe not gay but definitely nuts.
Mr.C: Anyways what was you favourite part of the first match?
Chris: I loved how when will managed to knock the hammer out of Andrew’s hands, he started crying because it got destroyed.
Chef: Where the hell did that computer come from anyways?
Mr.C: I think it was Loyde's
Chris: OOO he’s gonna be pissed
*from somewhere far off*
Loyde: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo
Chris: Hot dam I’m a psychic
Mr.C: Thought on round two?
Chef: I almost pissed myself when I saw carter get hit in the nuts.
Chris: God something had to have been broken there, no human could survive that.
Mr.C: I can tell you he will not be sitting down for a while.
Mr.C: Okay fight 3, what’s your view.
Chef: WHERE THE HELL DID THAT TEMINATOR COME FROM!?!
Chris: Andrew.....
Chef: AND WHERE DID HE GET THAT.
Chris: He told me that he loved the movie so much that he wanted to recreate a part of it.
Chef: what about skynet?
Chris: That’s next.
Mr.C: We’re screwed......where the hell did they get the car from?
Chris: I really don’t want to know
Mr.C: Finally what do you think about the Finale?
Chris:........
Chef: That was f***ed up man, she just stabbed her hand into his chest and all.
Mr.C: Well thanks for that cap’n obvious, its no s**t that all of the contestants are messed up and should be locked away.
???: AHEM
*Mr.C turns around to see all the contestants, covered in bandages and minus smith standing behind him*
Mr.C:..........Mommy........
*DAS END*
Well ladies and gentlemen what did ya think, hopefully you enjoyed it, and if you didn't........well thats what the lava pits for xd , from now on it'll be more of a week-2 week period between posts so, please be patient, Madhouse is still in session the writer is just lazy