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I've tried everything to seem calm and playful, but that's not how i feel... this problem is getting out of hand, i dont trust my family... my mother is a cynical b***h who would of kicked me out ages ago if it wasnt for the fact that my father owns this place... my aunt tries to poison me with thoughts of the worst... i dont blame her for that... she's preparing me for the worst... she's helping me cope... if it wasnt for her... id be in tears all the time...

i have to be strong... stronger... to fight for him... to show him that this son of his isnt here for the money... he isnt here just waiting for him to die... that this son cares for him...

I want him well!

I miss my time with him! Damn this all to hell! What in the hell is the point with meeting his damn children... they never acknowledged me... i was never seen as his son in their eyes... i was hated for the way i am... why in the hell should i be civil with them now! I wont abandon him...

I wont give in to the tears... I want him well... I want my papa back... here at home... just practicing with him... playing music, just having fun together...

Is that so much to ask for?