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Have you ever thought about a thing like forever? I think it's a measurement of time expressed with a begining but no end. At some point, time began and at some point, planets responded to gravity and started to see nights and days come and go and it'll go that way until the source of gravity ceases and that's where my astronomy knowledge ends. Forever won't stop, things will just go, "okay, same reality, diffrent situation." I suppose. I'm not sure.
I wish more than anything I could really actually wrap my head around forever. I wish I could relax enough to meditate but the closest I come to that is driving around and thinking "Jesus... right now is the oldest the world has ever been. Right now is the climax of all reality as everything has led to this most unclimatic moment." Maybe those moments are not unlike little spots of paint in a monet--bits that are so small that, when put together, turn in to an enormus masterpiece.
Mundane moments right now can't seem significant, I suppose, but somehow, we're either becoming sharper and stronger or stupider and softer. Right now is a moment in today and when people go around saying dumb empty calorie things like "Seize The Day!" or "Make the most of today!" I reckon they mean to say something like "make right now count to make the next 'right now' better." A day consists of 24 hours--of which, on average, we're awake for two-thirds of it, unless we're sick or recovering or lazy. One third of our day, we might be at work and the other third, we have to our selves unless it's a day off or something. 24 hours is 60 minutes and a minute is 60 seconds. I'm sure there're smaller measurements of time than a second, but that's all the more time measurements I know without doing a little research. 24 times 60 times 60 is 86,400--thats how many seconds there are in a day. with a little math, you can figure out how many seconds go in to a century, but that'd be dumb.
I think more mind-blowing would be finding an estamation of how many seconds you've lived. I guess it'd be hard to determine when you were born straight down to the second, and I've never tried but I imagine it'd be a lot of little dots on a canvas making up some kind of masterpiece.
Or maybe it's a series of layers of paint--in other words, experiences--that make us who we are and contribute to this massive shared experience. As if we are all Jackson Pollocks with our own layers that would not be as amazing without the layers of other people to enrich our own masterpiece.
That is to say, I think, that we wouldn't be who we are without living today as we've lived it or without the people we encountered.
Maybe everyday we start and finish a new painting between the hours we wake up and go to sleep. I think it was Akira Kurosawa who said "A piece of art is never finished, it's just abandoned." He also said "Man is a genius when he is dreaming." I reckon our dreams shape up and mold us just a much as other people do if not more so. It when our brains have a chance to just shake off the dust of the day a reassess the bullshit that we've put on it and show us how stupid or serious everything we think about is. I've found that when I dream, I can make sense of things and I can lead people. I can remain calm and in control. I am my own hero in my dreams.
With that in mind, every one of thse 86,400 seconds are important in their own little way--they're our own tiny addition to the forever collage. When we're sleeping, we're dreaming and changing and when we're awake, we're growing and seeing and hearing and reacting. We're geniuses as we dream and artists as we're awake. Not every artist was or is a genius but there's no telling how even the most insignificant artist effected change. Think of it like this, a kid in the third grade makes a finger painting and it's put in to an art show at a fair or something and then, never makes art again. the fingerpainting is on display for a week and in that week a thousand people look at it and of those thousand people most of them are at least a little delighted they saw it--he cheered people in his or her community up and of those people, a few walk away with a new idea in their head and feeling in their hearts. They're changed people and maybe it's in some small way but their reality has shifted if only an inch.
Maybe it was that inch that was all it took to change their lives and not drink again or drink more or something. For better or for worse, we have 86,400 chances every day to try and make the next guy's reality and everyone's forever different. Don't seize the whole day, seize a little bit of it and twist it in to something that you put your mark on. Make your envrioment a product of you and let yourself be a product of your enviorment to some exetent. What kind of world will you leave it after you leave it and your two cents tossed in the forever hat is up?
Lately, it seems I've been too busy trying to get through the day to make anything count. it's an exhausting way to live--but then again, on the other hand, maybe exhausting myself has done exatly like I've wanted to. Maybe my bit, for the time being at least, is to just do little changes. And maybe forever is less of an idea and more of like some massive masterplan. I've heard god has this all planned out but to plan for such shittiness is sad. Its not for me to know or to ask--and frankly, i'd like to know why it's not my place to know or to ask--but why all this mess? if we're loved, why can't we be taken care of a little better?
I dunno. I guess that wraps of that episode of what's on my mind. If this is how god loves us, i've broken up with girlfriends who loved me less than it feels like god loves me sometimes.