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since i made a journal on gaia. wow.
I read my previous journals and started feeling all so nostalgic.
I think that's why i went back to listening to boy bands..
they relieve nostalgia because there's no cure for it.


so guys

how's life?

well, right now i'm listening to Vegas Skies by The Cab.

And i began thinking about things again...

those "what-if's"

WHAT IF THIS...
WHAT IF THAT...

man i have a strong feeling that the newbies in Color Guard will replace me. I have to be there more often then because...I can't have JROTC anymore because of ******** requirements and the fact that i strive for academic achievements. ******** TOP TEN. What a bummer....: Now that's a "what if"

I apologize for not being authoritative enough. I just don't want to end up being what i am now with a cocky attitude. Yeah. I'm practicing self-control.

I was planning to spend time with a few people before they get a new life an forget about their high school friends...
Man, I just hate being forgotten by those people i really grew accustomed to.
this sucks.

Judy has one more year.
Really. i hope she doesn't forget.
And a lot of other people I know are leaving. Like Dennis, Moon, Ruthie, Tommy, and probably Dowen. ********.
I won't be surprised if my ROTC friends forget, especially Carmelito.
Well, that's fine i guess...
No not really. it isn't fine. I already know i'm not good enough for anything...anyone
Even for Max. I don't deserve someone like him.

Damn. I really should be doing my book talk right now...
I don't feel like it.
it's ******** stupid.
I didn't even finish the ******** book and i had it for over 6 months.
Too lazy to finish it. Anyways, i already returned it.
********...

first of all, why am i thinking about this?
All the people leaving.
********.
I didn't feel like this last year.
Is it because i actually have so many things to lose this time?
Yeah.
I think that's it.
Been so paranoid about it lately.
So i don't bother talking to alot of people.
I don't intend to either because i really have nothing to say to anyone anymore.
I depend on people to bring up the subjects.
I depend on them to walk up to me instead of me going to them.
I guess that's just how I am now.
Still that same b***h...just quieter.

...
I need happy music.
i'll go listen to Balloons now.
It's actually the only song that keeps me smiling despite all the things i'm thinking.
such a stupid time to be thinking anyways.
Bye.