I realized last night, as I lay sobbing into my mother's pillow, that we take many things that are important to our life for granted. To me it is the people around me that care so much about me. I cannot even express the amount of gratitude that I have held, and continue to hold, for these people.. Not in any simple way.
Backing up a step or two, I can tell you that I had another mental breakdown last night. I had a mental FIT, and went insane.. I had to keep from getting up and throwing my tv at my mom. I was frustrated because of school, (I was working on an optional project for algebra II, in which by this point I have forgotten what I knew of the subject) and my mom was yelling at me. She came in fifteen minutes or so after taking my keyboard from me to find me curled up and starting to cry, and when she decided to start yelling was when my own screaming out at her in anger and frustration came out. She tried to do what I had thought she would do. She tried to make it seem like that was nothing compared to her past. And while I know it really is nothing in comparison, to me it's just as bad as what she went through. Well anyways, after about a half hour or so of that (and me still sobbing my eyes out angrily) she started to calm me down and FINALLY asked me what was wrong. I told her everything I could, and it took me a good hour or so I think... I was crying the whole time. I couldn't even stop crying.. it was horrible. I tried but I'd just start sobbing again.
And she just barely scratched the surface of figuring out how much Davis means to me. I'm not one to trust guys past being a good friend or something, and I'd have to say that Davis is really.. REALLY close to me for a guy I've known offline. (I dont think any guy has ever really wanted to be close to me anyways..)
Fortunately, she seems to have known exactly how I feel about having him around, because apparently it was the same with her and Jeff... Weird, but cool.
It really relieved me that she's aware of Davis now though, and it also relieved me to get everything off my chest. I never realized how cool my mom really is.. she wants me to be happy and that's why she stresses school so much sometimes and wants me to do well. She's letting me slide for these classes right now because she knows I've been stressed out and doing nothing about them, and the schedule was badly balanced and I couldn't take it. So she might not ground me.. who knows. I also realized something else from talking to her... me and Jeff are like, exactly alike.. down to even the music we listen to. It's intriguing...
Oh well, enough of my ranting.
And I hope you people reading this never cry for like 2 hours at a time.. I woke up this morning and my eyes were still puffy from all the crying. x.x
 Hoshi Okami · Tue Dec 06, 2005 @ 03:11am · 1 Comments |
