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I don't know what's in your head about volunteering, but when you volunteer you odn't get money.
If you get money for "volunteering" then you're not volunteering.
That goes to you, ms. "I'm Buddhist but Buddhist is a God and I'm suicidal and cut and am proud of it and I volunteer and get money". Stupid.

I've been looking at tons of scholarships for colleges and I don't know what I'm going to do. One of them mentions beingly only slightly involved with community service and being bi or gay. So I decided I could get myself involved ins ome good ol' not physical community service. So now I'm piled up to my eyeballs with technical requests about s**t and I'm not getting paid for any of it. I need money. I'm sorry.
[Edit: I'm not in tech requests up to my eyeballs because I volunteered to do them. If I had done that, I would've probably only picked one thing and would've been super-selective about it. My mom is a community service freak of nature that volunteers for everyone and thing, and she just started telling people I could do stuff so now I'm swamped]

I apologise, but to satisfy all the incessent needs about "What are you going to get your mother and father and brother for christmas" demands I. NEED. MONEY.

180 bucks may not be a lot of money to you, but for someone who doesn't have enough money to go to school or move out and has been planning to move out for their whole lives and saving money most of that time, you'd be pretty pissed that you're not reaching your financial need, yet, either.
[Edit: 180 USD is how much I'm spending on Xmas stuff already, before I got involved with Community service]

I spent most of friday typing in keywords for clipart. Wtf? I wonder how much people who assign keywords to clipart making. Because it's just ******** ridiculous how much brainpower that involves. You think up like 10 keywords and then 100 cliparts after that you're all "Oh s**t, I forgot a generic keyword!" and ponder if you should go back and re-keyword them all or not, it gets insane.

I mean, typing in keywords wasn't even a situation for me. I thought some machine automatically did it or something; I didn't know people had to sit there and type them all up and assign everything. I hadn't thought about it. To me it was just so simple. Why did I not know this situation existed?

So anyway, that took up about 5 hours and I still didn't finish. I'm also now a photographer, director, publisher, and programmer for a senior home's newsletter. Hu ******** zah, there. Not really. I hate you.

I can't sit there and smile all the time. My mouth hurts. My lips hurt. My eyes hurt. Old people smell. The rooms are all insanely hot. Everyone's kindness puts me on edge since NOBODY should be that nice to people. I'm ready to just about ******** snap, and I've only been there one day.

Phonelines I'm fine with. I can act nice all day long and it won't kill me because it's just my voice. If I have to complete the act with facial expressions, sometimes that just puts me over the edge.

Okay. Everytime.

I also have to edit this one clipart of people running to some weird evolution thing of young people running to old people running for something called "memory joggers". That involves completely redrawing the logo and braina ctivity and several hours of work on my part, since I don't really specialize in drawing, and they're putting it on a shirt.

What's more, is they expected me to screenprint it for them when I told them december is too late. I got yelled at today because my mom was screaming at me to finish the memory joggers logo(which I haven't started on due to other s**t) and how I needed to screenprint it.

The equipment is gone and packed up for the year. I CANNOT SCREEN PRINT IT. I TOLD YOU THIS.

I TOLD YOU THIS LAST MONTH.
I told you that two months a go when I was designing the TWC shirt.

O. M. G.

You have no idea what it feels like to be the youngest person somewhere. And it's not even 10 years yonger. It's 30. This is the third situation where I've been 20-30 years younger than everyone else I'm working with and it's such an uncomfortable situation. I have no idea why. But it just feels like if you screw up you shamed them all or something.

This sucks. If I had some type of reward in the end for doing it all I might be a little better. If it were all spread out I might be more generous with doing s**t.

But it's all happening at the same ******** time as everything else! TWC is coming up and I don't even have my panel ready, the community service s**t is here, college apps, the info hasn't even come in yet, Gaia, graduation, scholarships, life(people want to socialize with me now, omgwtf), C&T secret santa, Irl secret santa, Christmas, New Year's...

I'm an 18 year old with an 11 year old brain. I don't need this.

Twistex: I hate you right now. The mod situation is stupid. If you picked them my respect for you just sunk to an all time low as a staffmember of Gaia. I won't comment here but I did comment fully somewhere. 50% of me hopes you don't find out what I said and the other half hopes you do. I'm not sure which half I should be rooting for but I'd like you to know that I'm seriously pissed about ti and it wasn't a wise decision.
[Edit: New information came up regarding this so I can't say it's Twistex's fault now until I do more research into it. Doesn't change the fact that I'm still pissed, though.]
[Edit2: Yeah, the information places blame 50/50 on Twistex and Dri. Pissedness is starting to blow over since it's not all Twistex's(a guy I respect and it hurt to have him be knowcked down the respect ladder) fault, But I'm still really mad at this and am trying to convince myself it's just a game, even though those convictions will never be heard by my mind.]