These never seem to loose their hilarity!
1) Superman wears Chuck Norris underpants.
2) Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
3) When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes
the world down
4) Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he just stares them down until he gets the information he wants out of them
5) If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f*ck down
6) The Big Bang was actually Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking God in the face
7) Chuck Norris turns on a night light when he goes to bed. It's not because he's scared of the dark - it's Because the dark is scared of him.
8 ) What was going through the minds of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
9) Some kids piss their names in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name in concrete
10) Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
11) In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
12) There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
13) Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush
14) Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
15) There is no 'Ctrl' button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in
control.
16) Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
17) Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
18 ) Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
19) Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
20) Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*ck down.
21) Chuck Norris' beard is barbed wire soaked in ox blood and held together by the souls of mortals.
22) Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
23) If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more than you.
24) Darth Vader dresses up as Chuck Norris for Halloween.
25) The Boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris every night.
26) When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
27) Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer; too bad he has never cried.
28 ) When Chuck Norris falls out of a boat he dosn't get wet the water gets Chuck Norrised.
29) If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
30) Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
31) Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
32) The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
33) The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably.
34) Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is.
35) China was once bordering the United States, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth.
36) Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about.
37) Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
38 ) Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
39) Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own
40) Chuck Norris does not procreate, he breeds.
41) Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the
Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
42) Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.
43) Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
44) Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s real father.
45) When you open a can of whoop-a**, Chuck Norris jumps out.
46) Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living s**t out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.
47) Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.
48 ) Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
49) Ironically, Chuck Norris’ hidden talent is invisibility.
50) Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
 The Midnight Lotus · Fri May 22, 2009 @ 03:32am · 0 Comments |
