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2/23/09 ok, so vacation is over. oh man!!!!!! i got good news, i haven't thought of that guy all week long. but there's bad news too. i 've change. but only my phsical apearence. i got a haircut, it made me mad because the hairstyle looked absolutly unlike my personality,eventhough everyone at school was complimenting me. i got a few other features changed, but they're not so important.
at school i didn't feel so bad because i wasn't the only one who got a haircut. aperently he did too. he looked funny but i didn't care, i'm not like those girls who worry about apearence or reputation. so that week of not thinking of him didn't work. I'm still deciding wether i should handle this as my mirror or me... if i handle this like my mirror would i have the guts to talk to him when he walks by my house? probably not ,but remember the reason i wanted to talk to him (?), to help him... to save him a thought just came to my head,
is any of this worth it???

2/24/09 lets focus on the obvious things today...
are guys any mature these days? barely.
why is he acting the way he is? he wants to be accepted and "cool"
... if he found out i admire him a lot would he care? ... i don't have an answer for that.
would he choose me over popularity? i don't have an answer for that.
if he knew all of this...what would happen...
i'm scared of what might happen.
i should stop.stop. stop. seriously. my feelings i don't want them hurt. but eventually that'll happen... here comes the question: is this worth it?
at school today it was REALLY weird (especially in math) the annoying kid he was... nice... (wow!) to day i saw him swear but this time it bothered me... i don't know why. i also heard something, was really concentrated on my work so i'm not sure of everything i'm about to say:
he sat next to his friend (the friend hasn't been introduced yet, it's the first time in this story.) he said "i have something to tell you" and in a hushed voice i heard him say... "i still like ______" (i can't say the girl's name) i was ... neutral. i didn't feel sad becuase he liked someone else. then i remembered, i wanted him to be happy even if it ment him not liking me. i didn't feel heartbroken at all. it's almost like i don't have any feeling right now. that's unususal... i kind of feel bad for him because the girl he likes isn't... fair... or nice... she is a girl who cares about her reputation more than anything else. i hate that fact that if he really does like her, he'll be heartbroken.
i was waiting at my house for him to walk by my house again. i saw him. and eventhough i had less love for him i still didn't talk to him. why? this is for helping him not myself.
question: would he want the help?
Is he like all the other guys?
am i too blind to see his mean and rude self?
am i too focused to see his amazing self that no one else sees?
he is so... so... like the moon.

*~ the moon... it's only out at night, like his soul.
the moon... it might bring you fear, but once you seek into its soul you'll feel the aura...
the moon... i admire everything about it, the mysterious look in his eyes when he glances at me...
he is diffrent in a good way...
instead of the outgoing sun
he is the mysterious moon that i feel in love with. ~*

2/25/09 i just had the CRAZY-EST dream ever!!!!!!!!
it was about me and the annoying kid... he asked me out to a dance and i said "uh... i don't think we should go." GROSS!!!!! EWWWW YUCK!!! the worst part is that everyone at school think i like him or he likes me, just because i laugh at his retarded jokes ,but I CAN'T HELP IT! he is just reatardedly funny like that!!!! like he does the stupidest things like... ... ... well... ... ... he talks about gross things but in a funny way and sometimes he sings "HEY NOW, HEY NOW, DON'T DREAM IT'S OVER!" in a squeeky voice and that is halarious! but i don't like him!!!!! why does everyine think that!!! sure he's a little older than me but i'm a little taller than him !!!XD
and today at my house i was SOOOOO close to talking to him this time i was waiting outside and (oh man!) my neighbors came at the same time he did so i didn't get to yell out "HEY!!!!" like i planed... and i was so close this time!!!! stressed

2/26/09 i just acted natural ,well except when i flurted a bit with a kid that likes me *tee hee! ~vO* ANYWAYS today the annoying kid did the FUNNIEST THING EVER !!!XD I'M LAUGHING AS I'M WRITING THIS! XD
ok so at math I was doing a quiz and when he finnished he... he... (LOL) he got in front of the heater and... and... (LOL!) he was pushing his butt against the heater and moving it from side to side yelling out "DA DA DA DA DA DUM DUM!" (the song from six flags) and his jean buttons were claning with the heater! XD I was dying/crying/laughing/yelling!!! OMG IT WAS HA-LA-RI-OUS! I STILL CAN'T STOP LAUGHING! oh and i just remembered that yesterday he standed in front of me and like this weird michael jackson/brake dancer move XD I'M TRYING MY BEST TO IGNORE HIM IN MATH CLASS BUT I CAN'T! LOL he looks at me weird when ever i laugh at his jokes, especially when i had to sit next to him when i was taking a M.A.P. test and was laughing at everything he said. (maybe he's jealous... I'M KIDDING!"
another funny thing that happened today involved chocolate, btw NEVER ASK ME FOR CHOCOLATE! XD my friend gave me a kit kat bar and i said "no thx i don't like it." untill she convinced me... i ate the chocolate and... ... I GOT HYPEEEERRRR!!! I LAUGHED LIKE A MANIAC! my friend looked really creeped out but i didn't care!it was like a whole new world of sweets has been opened, which made me beg "CAN I HAVE MORE PRETTY PLAESE!" this time i convinced her and she gave me a bigger piece! YUMMY!!! I ate it slowly enjoying it's rich peanut butter flavor "mmm-mmm" when i finnished it i was so desparete that i even licked my fingers! (which i don't do often) a have a few words to say about that: FREAKY!!! YUMMY!!! CHOCOLATE!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! XD
btw don't ask me to have some chocolate XD

2/27/09 today was completly opposite from yesterday.
i started my morning in a neutral mood, nothing happened in math except that the girl he likes cried for a (no comment) reason... but i had a problem of my own today. for some reason i almost started crying, it was like i could feel that someone important died i just don't know who... i hope no one really died.
when i was on my way to lunch i passed by him, my eyes were blinded by the confusion and darkness in my heart, and i could tell he saw me, i didn't know or cared if he noticed i was feeling sad, i was too blind to feel anything. in science i almost cried in front of him thinking that someone died . i cheered up a little when the annoying kid had a "spaz attack". when i got home i waited for him ,but this time... i gave up early ,i didn't feel like talking to him so i just went inside my house and saw him walk by, through my window. a song of sorrow came. and that song was called " hikari" ; light. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YUOYZbDhfos&feature=channel_page http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-neZL4_O6sQ&feature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4-sqvJRm5U&feature=related

*a few hours later* my friend told me that he was staring at me until he noticed that she was watching him. she didn't tell me when he stared at me but... what if he noticed... noticed how i felt... did he see it in my eyes...? does he relize any of this?

~ I imagine you and me in a song weather it's
"passion"
or "hikari"
or maybe "dearly beloved"
we both play roles in that song,
we both feel the same emotions except that...
we have diffrent ways of showing it.
you are quiet with many thoughts to youself.
I'm LOUD with many thoughts locked up and unshared.
you act like a guy who doesn't talk much
I act like a girl who talks but never about her opinions.
but we both are the same,
we hide our feelings.
we both think "there's no one out there who understands me"
we both are called "nerds", well that's how "they" call it
but you and I don't deserve that... we are better... becuase we both have someone that looks after you and I... each other.~
I love you. but I hate you. there's so much i want to ask you. will I ever get the chance? darkness and light... is it possible to be compared like that?

2/28/09 okay i know what i'm about to write about will ruin most of the events that have passed.
today i talked on the phone for about 5 1/2 hours, lol, it was with my best friend victor. (no we don't like each other) we both have so much fun with each other and eventhough we are in diffrent grades (i never said diffrent age). we found ourselves talking about valentine's day and... stuff. ok i'll be more specific, we were talking about first grade and him and me and chocolate.any ideas??? he gave me chocolate on valentine's and i... i sort of... kissed him. ON THE CHEEK! I SWEAR I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER THAT! lol i kind of blushed when we talked about that. one thing i don't like, eveyone thinks i like him or he likes me! we're only best friends since kindergarden, nothing serious. I HOPE. he's a great friend, he helps me with my crush problems.

3/1/09 nothing important today.

3/3/09 snowing... snow... snowed

3/3/09 wow. in english he wrote a haiku and it's... ... ...

~ you broke my heart in
two. when you said " i hate you"
that was a true lie. ~

i was wondering why he wrote that...
where did he get that?
in math he completely changed my opinon
i heard him talk about how he went out with a girl (a diffrent one.) and he forgot that they were together and made the girl look stupid because she broke up with him and he had no idea what she was talking about (what kind of guy forgets who they ask out?)
i was alone when I heard that, alone as in Aura wasn't with me, just Aurora.
*later that day aurora and aura had a conversation*
why can't i just forget that guy and move on "he ain't gon' treat me right" (Aurora)
"he just hides his real feelings from people." (Aura)
"he just in our, or your imagination" (Aurora)
"that's not what I see in him" (Aura)
"yeah, well to me he seems like all the other slob, guys at school. he's not diffrent" (Aurora)
"then explain his eyes' aura" (Aura)
"that's true,Aura. but he probably changed" (Aurora)
"we'll never get an answer if we keep sharing our minds." (Aura)
"are you suggesting one of us takes over this life?" (Aurora)
"... well... remember that promise we made?" (Aura)
"???...kinda... sorta...no." (Aurora)
"... we promised each other that we'd SHARE our thoughts and life, that's why you know I exist. other people don't notice their mirrors." (Aura)
"i'm not like everyone else... why don't we forget we ever had this conversation" (Aurora)
*sigh*"sure... just remember that you being unlike everyone else made you relize that I exist" (aura)

3/7/09 okay, i don't know why but i've been feeling kind of emo these days... I wonder why... I don't even feel like writting stuff down in this journal anymore... I DON'T EVEN CARE THAT IT'S HIS BIRTHDAY TOMORROW! ... aura and I haven't talked much and I really don't care what he has to say.

3/8/09 ... ... ... why do I feel so weird today... kind of disturbed...
today was beautiful outside, and I felt traped because I didn't go anywhere, and... I wondered if I should tell him happy birthday, but then I thought "he's not worth it."

3/16/09 *sigh* i can't do this...:
Aura and I sharing a life.
I like him because Aura does even though i don't...
I "love" my best friend, victor, but Aura won't let me...
but then again...
Aura: remember the reason you wanted us to share a body?
it was because you wanted to be unique... don't you remember that?
Aurora: I do want to be diffrent... but I can't agree with you in so many things...
Aura: if you lock me up again you'll be exactly like everyone else, ignoring their mirrors... I'm so lucky to have a mirror that at least knows I exist.
Aurora: i don't want to let you down... but I want to be my own self too... but I'm just the way I am because people make me that way and you are unique because you are your own self , I want to be like you.
Aura: what are you getting at?
Aurora: I like my best friend, but why don't you let me ... "like" him?
Aura: remember you said that you are the way you are because people made you like that, well who made you think I existed?
Aurora: victor.
Aura: right, but there's a reason I don't want you "liking" him. it's because when you said we'd share a body I thought you'd give me a chance to "like" someone too...
Aurora: I understand...
soooooooooo, it's about time I reveal his name right?
Aura: well who ever is reading this might want to know.
Aurora: ready when you are!
Aura: Okay! 3,2,1 !
Aura and Aurora: Hector!!!
Aurora: I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST WROTE THAT!
Aura:well now it'll be easier to write his name instead of him
Aurora: yeeeaaaaahhh...........
Aura: why "yeeeaaaaahhhh......." ?
Aurora: well I don't mention him much in here anymore...
Aura: maybe we should fix that.
and when are you going to say hi to him?
Aurora:well, I guess when I talk to him more...
Aura: you don't talk to him at all!!!
Aurora: I KNOW! but still... maybe I should talk to him
Aura: *thinks* "probably not"
Aurora:... well technacly speaking, I like two people Hector and Victor.
Aura: have you noticed they both end in -ctor and both have only 6 letters in their names?
Aurora:FOCUS!
Aura:sorry...
Aurora: as I was saying... we need to eventually choose the one best for this.
Aura:we both can think of a million ways to say why we should pick Victor or Hector...
Aura:you're right... maybe we should decide this later... for now...
Aurora: yeah, we still have a lot of thinking to do.

3/17/09 (Aurora) I've been thinking about Hector and all of the things that have happened...
I remembered that all of my friends would be scared of him, saying he was the "grim reaper" , but I didn't care. my reaction was always "shut up! you don't know the real him, but I know he's not always quiet." I still believe that and I won't stop until I hear the truth from him.
he walked by my house today, like any other day, and surprisingly my dad was fixing the car at the same time so he definetly saw my dad, but did he see me? I was up at my deck so there's a chance he did... I wish I knew...
the other day I saw a black cat (ok, on friday the 13th) and i'm not so supersticial ,but when I saw the cat it was just staring me down, almost trying to tell me something... we both stood there for about a inute or two untill I thought about trying to get near it. each step I took closer , the more myserious that cat got. It was now obvious, the cat was luring me... but why? everything was messed up when a car came through the driveway, the cat dissapeared and I've been acting weird ever since... it's like I'm not me anymore... and for some reason I want to see the cat again, almost like I HAVE to.
try imagine, just a blck cat out of nowhere... just staring... whispering something you can't hear... what would your reactions be?

3/20/09 I found the perfect song that works for me and Aura it's called "halo"

Remember those walls I built
Well, baby they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make up a sound

I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now

It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
It's the risk that I'm takin'
I ain't never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You're the only one that I want
Think I'm addicted to your light

I swore I'd never fall again
But this don't even feel like falling
Gravity can't forget
To pull me back to the ground again

Feels like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
The risk that I'm takin'
I'm never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
Halo, halo

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

Aura: this song is perfect for me and Hector *sniffs*
Aurora: yeah, and it goes perfect with Victor...
I bet you could make a better song, your voice is beautiful, mine is like... well it's common.
Aura:first of all your voice isn't common, your voice isn't horrible, and maybe you've noticed or not , but I sing in the background with you... i'm that whisper wind...
Aurora: halo
Aura:*whispering* halohhhh
Aurora: wait I didn't always have this whisper. how come I do now?
Aura: because you know I exist.
Aurora: and how come my voice is... "better" now?
Aura: us ,together ,singing or anything, makes us "better". I prefer unique instead of "better"
Aurora: wow.
Aura: maybe you shouldn't sing around people that often, we should keep this a secret.
Aurora: I don't want to ask but why?
Aura: I 'm not sure how to explain it to you, but just trust me.
Aurora: ... okay.
oh and by the way how come I can't see Victor's aura?
Aura: ... many reasons.
Aurora: O__O ... *thinks* "what do you mean"
3/29/09 it feels like I haven't wrote in this for a month.......
anyways something different happened today...
Victor finally admitted he likes me...
what do you think Aura?
*no response*
Aura is something wrong? is it my fault?
a whisper: no...
Aura I thought you'd be ok with this... I know you like Hector, but I like Victor too...
I thought you thought Victor was okay... after all he did make me notice you existed...
Aura please say something!!!
(Aura appears)
Aura: I thought you would choose Hector...
Aurora: yeah but... Victor admitted to me first...
Aura: you said I was important to you! and that we'd SHARE this life.
Aurora: yes, but we can't date two different guys... and besides Hector doesn't like me.
Aura: no one said he didn't.
Aurora: ...but I do like Victor... just like you like Hector...
Aura: it's starting... why so soon?
Aurora: what is starting?
Aura: you're a going to forget me.
Aurora: no I won't.
Aura: they always say that.
(Aura dissapears)
...
I like..., ok I admit, love Victor, but I don't want to forget Aura...
what should I do?
3/30/09 I'm so happy! now I can look straight at Hector without feeling any emotions, but every time I do... Aura come to mind....

4/14/09 wow, I haven't wrote in here for a while...
well me and Victor got together... but then I broke up with him because
1. I was never face to face with him
2. he was changing my way of thinking
3. we both felt like we were cheating on each other because many people flurt with us
so yeah... I figured we'd be better off not being together...
Victor... and I fought... I kept saying "We NEVER get to see each other! You will be better off with someone that you see everyday!"
he kept saying "You don't have to be here with me for me to love you!"
I kept repeating "yeah, but a lot of people at school flurt with me and it makes me feel like I'm cheating on you! I bet you have people that flurt with you too! This won't work out!"
he said "Fine!"
I reminded him "remember the promise I made you? The one where I said NO MATTER WHAT I'LL ALWAYS BE YOUR FRIEND!"
"I remember.but I don't think you mean it."
"remember when you were gay?"
"..." he was silent.
"before we were together, was I still your best friend? yes. when you kept saying you were emo, was I still your friend? yes. now that we broke up, are we still best friends? YES. I promised I would never stop being your best friend. F O R E V E R!"
"I believe you." he said in a whisper.
"now promise me, you'll move on and find someone else ,okay?"
"I still like you though..."
"I know you do, I still like you too. but us... together... no. just no."
In the back of my head I thought: good choice... and besides he'll be over all of this by tomorrow. He loves me... but not as much as I love... loved him. He would break my heart... My friends would kick his a**... (lol) oh well... at least now I can look for Aura.

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

2/19/09 everything is out of place...
deep inside of me I still like Victor... while I show hatred for him on the outside...
a few days ago, he told me he was going to kill himself...
he jumped out of his roof, even though he knew I would miss him.
and now he is in the hospital...
I've been trying to contact him by dreams, but I'm not powerful enough... I need Aura's help and she is gone...

2/20/09 Victor is okay..............................................
but... the weirdest thing was... I didn't really...care...

2/21/09 I talked to him... he finally admitted............ he had "an other side"
I kept thinking..."you have a mirror too..."
he said "I'm sorry I've made you suffer lately... and... remember how you said Aura doesn't like me...?"
"...yeah..."
"well my other side... he doesn't like you...he's... more of an emo type..."
With an emotionless voice I said "I've noticed....................................you never told me his name..."
"first tell me Aura's full name..."
I sighed and said "I don't think she'll mind............ her name is Aura black Rose... my name is Aurora white flower... all together we're Aurora Rose..."
his face was blank while being shocked at the same time.... "whoa... that's really creepy... his name is Bikuta Black Pedals... my name is Bikuta Violet Pedals... all together Bikuta Pedals..."
*eyes wide open* "...why do we have so many things in common, while being completely different?"
He pondered "I wish I knew..."

5/1/09 wow, I don't know what to do...................
Hector and Victor disappeared since Tuesday...
I'm going crazy! I can't live without hearing from either of them... I need to know that they are okay.
Aura... are you there???
....................................
Hector disappeared, as well as Victor...
.....................................
please help me... I need to know how Victor and Hector are doing.
"very well then... you've spoken and requested to see where and how Victor and Hector are doing, correct?"
"yes."
"Is that your final response?" Aura sounded, sad and serious.
"...yes."
"tonight as you find yourself anew as a raven, you shall fly to your request. You shall regret and explore. But remember, you are only a spirit in the open, you won't really be there, you are just dreaming."
"I'm scared..."

7/4/09 To speak of the truth, I've been trying my hardest to be away from this journal entry, but I can't resist anymore. I have alot of catching up to do...
first of all Hector and Victor are okay... for the moment. Hector was close to staying back a grade, but he passed with a D- in english (He is an amazing writter,he just never wants to share his stories. And the reason he has a low grade is because he never paases in his work, the english teacher is getting fired anyways so she passed him.)
Hector is going to Puerto Rico for the vacation, I hope he's having fun... actually, I know he's having fun, some how...
Victor is okay... he and I actually got to see each other on my birthday. I was close to kissing him... but even though Aura was gone, I still couldn't kiss him. Something wasn't right, or maybe it was, either way me and Victor could never be. I made it through my 13th birthday without being killed, I hope Victor can make it through...
one thing: his emo feels are back again...