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Freshmen year was a really hard year for me; not that freshmen year isn't hard for everyone, but recently I've been thinking about things that happened that year. Switching from middle school to high school was like a culture shock to me. I was always the shy girl who never talked to anyone, and I can even remember that in one of my classes there were a bunch of people saying that they were totally not going to have sex when they were in high school (part of that might have been that I went to Irving, and Irving is not the feeder school for Wasson, but I don't think it would've been much different it I had went to Mitchell ... ewww ... Mitchell ...), and all of the sudden I got to high school, and BAM! EVERYTHING is about SEX! ... and I was like "OH GOD!" ... Yah ... that actually scared me a little ... ha ... I was really innocent when I was that age. I understood that puburty was part of growing up, but no one ever explained to me that it was maturing sexually ... and really ... I guess I wasn't smart enough to figure out that puburty was sexual maturity ... I mean really ... what would've puburty been if it wasn't that ... oh well ... Either way ... it was a shock. This was a little while after the shock wore in, but yah ... I met Chrissy ... which in all aspects ... was probably the worst thing I could've done ... You see ... she has this thing for innocent people, and really ... someone not making the connection to what puburty is and is shy would be bad to meet up with someone who likes "innocence" ... :Stare: ... The only good thing about this was that I met CJ and Caroline smile ... yay! ... but other than that ... she's creepy and nasty and gross ... You know ... I didn't really make the connection that she like innocence ... I mean ... really ... stare ... Although, now that I look back on this ... it makes me feel really violated ... You know ... I was just doing regular stuff ... like going to hang out with her after school every one in awhile ... I started becoming better freinds with her cause we walked home in the same direction, and I usually had no one to walk with (shy one ... remember ...) ... not a big deal ... but she really got creepy ... I don't even remember what she said ... but it was something that really surprise me .. I was a like "What!?" ... and I don't really remember was was said ... but she came up behind me and groped me ... not only that ... but she like ... ... ... ... ... ... ... licked my neck ... and it really make me flip ... I mean it would do that to anyone ... but I actually screamed ... and broke free of her grasp ... I remember saying "I have to go now" and she said, "Aww ... really? That's too bad." I got the hell out of her house ... so whoever was there probably just thought it was a harmless prank ... the only thing that I question about myself ... is whey didn't I tell anyone ... ... The only answer I can seem to come up with is that I didn't really know anyone that well freshmen year. I was sooo shy ... that I never talked in any of my classes, and I never really talked to anyone at lunch. I think part of me wanted to pretend that it didn't happen ... she was part of the group I hung out with in art club, and telling someone seemed like it would've torn the group apart. CJ told me recently that she wanted to molest him. Telling someone probably would've saved Caroline a lot of grieve, and now I feel really bad that I never told anyone ... not just because I let her get away with what she did, but because she hurt Caroline, and that may have never happened if I had told someone. (I'm sorry Caroline) I was probably picked because she knew that I would never tell anyone, and if that's the case she was right. (Until now) I wanted to keep the group together so badly that I acted like nothing happened, and Devil Woman never acted like anything happened, and eventually I was able to force everything into the back of my mind. Until she hurt Caroline, and then I had to think Whose telling the truth? I had to think about it, and then I remembered the horrifying memory that I had buried in my mind, and really ... it didn't take much though after that. There were other things that made my freshmen year hard, but I don't really feel like talking about those now ... and really ... I'm still a shy person, not as much as I used to be, but I still hate it. Thank you soo much for reading my vent. It actually makes me feel a lot better. Love you guys! ^^ ... I regret that I never told anyone ... really ... this is sexual assult ... I thought about telling my family, but I want to press charges ... and they would help me with that, but I really have no proof that it ever happened. Sad day. The only family who will possibly know ... will be my cousin ... who will possibly read my journal entry ... I love you guys <3
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