I'm just about at my limit. I'm at the point in my life were I feel like everything Is just going to crash and take me down with it. I'm So sick or pretending to be so happy all the time, I'm not like that at all, I always feel so sad and lonely, like my whole being is just not there. Smiling everyday is so hard, no one can ever see just how depressed I really am. Is my mask that good? I Think about dieing so many times a day, but I know I can't give up, I have that string I'm thriving on hoping I can pull myself out and I'm only falling deeper. I Don't know how I haven't broken yet.
I Am so mean to my mom I take it out on her , I don't even know why. I Get so frustrated around her. She Gets so mad at me and is always asking me what's wrong. She knows I lie to her when i say nothing., Shes the only one who can see through my mask, and it scares me I don''t want her to see me so far gone into nothingness.
Even against my better judgment I took my car even though I don't quite have a license yet to my cousins house in the snow. She Found out from my aunt. Whom at this point I don't think she understands how much damage she's causing. She only tells my mom bad things to compare me to her kids, to say how bad she raised me. My mom did a damn good job. She's perfect. Loving, caring, only thinks about her kids welfare above her own. She cares more for our happiness than hers. My aunt Likes to rub s**t in her face. I'm not a bad kid, granted I do have my faults like everyone else in this world No one can be perfect. Does It make her happy to know she's making me and my mom suffer? I Hate it. I hate it so much.
I know my problems probably seem like nothing. To me there something painful. It makes me regret everything. All the bad things I've done I just want to fix hem all. I Cried tonight. I cried so hard something I haven't done in a long long time, aside from the silent tears, and it only makes it hurt more.
I will say this I might be a fu** Up and have the occasional lie. But I never have the intentions of hurting anyone with my actions. Like my mom says I might even need counseling or something, I am Me, and I'm just looking for a way to be happy.
Purelyph Puria Community Member 
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