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Part 2
The past
Josh looked stunned as the young girl walked his way. He blinked a few times taking in the fact that what he was seeing wasn’t an illusion. His mind then suddenly began to playback the memories of a long forgotten past. Scenarios of him and his childhood friend playing in the park, laughing together, running along aimlessly without worry, seemed to emerge. These feelings were welling up in his chest and he felt that if he spoke, his voice would show the fragility of his state.
“Well… say something. Anything… please?” pleaded Bella.
“How - how did you know it was me?”
“You’re a hard person to forget for me, you know,”
“But… 7 years… the last time you saw me, I was 10,”
“You recognized me right a way though! I mean, doesn’t that mean something? I’m sure I look awfully different from when I was 7!”
Josh looked at her again. She had grown. Bella was now a young woman but he could still see it. He still saw the light in her eyes, bright as the sun, and that honest look that was always so refreshing to him.
“I - here,” she said as she handed him a note. It looked like a printout.
Quote: ‘Dear Bella, I know you don’t know me but I’m a friend of Joshua Watanabe (I believe he’s an old friend of yours). I recently came to looking into his PM registry and saw a saved file stocked full of old Pms from you. I didn’t read them but I realized by your name that the ‘sister’ he’s often talked about was probably you judging by the dates. He and I are heading to Durem for the Gambino book signing next week and I wondered if you’d like to meet up with him. There is only one park in Durem that I know of so how about you meet him there around noon? Don’t worry, I’ll be out of sight so you two kids can have a chance to talk and catch up.
His mood always seemed to brighten whenever he talked to me about you. So give the guy a break and come see him. I don’t know your history since that was the only thing he would NOT talk about, but I’m sure he’s gotten over it by now! He’ll be waiting at noon and he probably won’t know about this, so don’t be too weirded out. See you there!
Josh JB Benton
P.S: Wear something girly. He likes that.’
“The PM started out with him asking me and then ended with me agreeing to meet you… your friend is weird,”
“Wear something girly? What is he doing? Setting us up on a date? Benton’s going to suffer for this!” he said crumpling the piece of paper.
Bella gasped slightly as the printout was crushed by Josh’s hands. He looked up and saw her expression. Her eyes looked strangely horrified by his action. Finally lifting from the swing Josh took a few steps towards Bella. He realized suddenly how small she was and noticed for the first time the difference in height between the two. Sure, he had always been a bit taller then her seeing how he was 3 years older, but now something about the difference in height felt significant. As he made his way to her, Bella’s nervousness became ever more present.
“Look, it’s not that I’m not happy to see you. Believe me, there were so many times that I wanted to contact you,” started Josh with a serious expression.
“Then why didn’t you?” she said abruptly, suddenly regaining her courage.
“It’s… it’s hard to explain,”
“Explain it then. We have the time,”
Josh scratched his head. How was he going to explain the mentality of a 10 year old and the cowardice of a 17 year old? Josh has learned that time has a way of trapping the past. And the more time that went by the more asphyxiating moments of regret felt. At first, it was only days that became weeks, then weeks that became months until finally years had gone by as his fear on confronting his childhood friend felt nearly impossible to remove. His guilt had consumed his courage and his regret had forced him to run away from his decisions.
“Look, back then, your dad told me that you were depending on me too much. And that every time I left, it became worse and worse for you when we would separate. He said you needed to learn to depend on yourself,”
“I was 7 Josh!” Bella face had contorted and had become red. It seemed that many years worth or anger was about ready to come out. “Of course I depended on you! I was a kid! I depended on everyone! How else could I have acted? Do you know how painful it was for me when you would stop visiting? When you stopped returning my messages? I thought I had finally found someone I could count on and then you suddenly just told me that we couldn‘t be friends anymore and that was that? Why did you give me up so easily?”
There was nothing Josh could say to justify it. Somewhere in his heart he knew that. When Bella’s father had come to see him, he was terrified. It was not because of Mr.Nightshade’s presence, it was because the things that he had said had struck a cord in him.
‘Look son, Bella used to blame herself for everything and I know that you did help her a lot when she needed you but now, everything in our family has been settled. My wife and I are satisfied with our decisions and I need Bella to be able to be strong. She can’t rely on you forever and I also think, that somewhere, you’re relying on her too,’
Bella collapsed into the sandbox. Her knees were now sullied by the dust and dirt and her loose black hair had draped her face, hiding her expression. Her anger had already been spent and what was left had transformed itself into sadness.
“How could you just leave me?” she said in whispers.
Without thinking he grasped for her and held her as tightly as he could.
“I’m really sorry,” he said as Bella sat at attention, “I don’t know why, but the more time that passed the harder it became. The time we spent as kids was still some of the happiest memories of my life…”
“But- ”
“I promise I’ll make it up to you! This has been haunting me for a long time and I want to have you back in my life! If you’ll still have me, I’d like to be your big brother again,”
Bella didn’t know what to do. Something inside of her had been waiting for this yet it seemed bits of resentment lay hidden in her heart. How could she forgive a person that she had relied on so much to be there for her… and left her without a word? However, this face seemed honest; these eyes were looking right at her with guilt but they seemed to also hold resolve. She looked again at Josh’s blue eyes.
“You really became a pretty boy huh? Just like I said you would,”
“Wha - pretty boy?”
“Yeah, the girls must be all over you… I’m not sure it would be good for your reputation if they saw you hanging around with me,” she said a light touch of pink on her cheeks.
“I’m willing to risk it,” he said as smiled the most dazzling smile he could muster.
“Gah! Too bright! Take it away!”
Josh began to laugh and eventually so did Bella. They then began to talk vividly about all the things they missed after they had stopped writing to each other. It was then that a tall shadow appeared over the pair.
“So, what did I miss?” said JB, an empty juice bottle in his hand.
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