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I'm somewhat frustrated with the situations God is giving me right now. He's throwing me major curveballs in life. I know my reason for being is to help people, and perhaps that's why I have my reactive personality, so I can care for those who need care (or it could be that I'm just a sociopath and I only know how to copy and emulate human behaviors). But the problem is, I can only dedicate the best of my care to one person at a time. I just don't have the resources (material and emotional) to take on two relationships. That and it just isn't right! I wish there were like five of me.

On one side, there's a person has really big economic and family problems (One). On the other, there's a person that has big emotional and family problems (Two). It's not my place to share details about other people's issues with everyone, that would be a violation of trust. So this is about their relations with me and how I feel. Of course, right? It's my blog, after all.

From my data acquisition of both, they both wish to have a meaningful relationship with me. One has major economic problems, and a family that makes her feel that she is bad and an outcast. I've tried to give her financial aid, but she refuses to just take it and use me. That's good. It's the people who don't want to use you, and try to go at it on their own so they don't burden anyone that make you want to help them. Two is lonely and depressed, and has a family that doesn't care and thinks she's crazy. I'm a shoulder to cry on for her, and someone to spend time with so she doesn't go crazy enough to kill herself.

Two finds me physically attractive, and at times has commented on how good I look. I think she's blind, and needs glasses or something, but that's besides the point. I feel like I'm handsome and wanted when she's around me. One sees me as "not ugly," and most likely feels that I'm average looking. She doesn't look at me often, but she makes me feel wanted in that I am a special person (no, not that kind of "special!" wink who is unique in that I am very caring and the first guy who is willing to do so much. So either way, both find me attractive, but for different reasons.

The big issues that keep me from choosing one over the other are:

One has a family she's staying with her parents whot provide food, water, and shelter for her. They also help her take care of her son. Yes, she has a child of her own already. That's not an "issue," however. She seems emotionally stable, and generally happy with her life. So what's the issue? I have a feeling that she doesn't actually need me around, and wouldn't fight to keep me. Why should I invest myself to someone who doesn't need or value me and my company highly?

Two is currently living alone, and already has a career that can support her. She adheres to the same religious belief system I do as well. She tells me that if it wasn't for my friendship and time, she'd probably have killed herself by now. She makes me feel wanted. The big issue with her is that she's married! Her husband is currently in Iraq, and has already gone there before. I just got out of a relationship with a married woman, and I am NOT doing that again. If she wanted to leave him, she would have already left him. Why should I invest myself to someone who already has a man that she won't leave for me? She's probably just using me as an emotional crutch and will not need me once he comes back. ******** NO! NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN!

So here I am, someone with so much to give, but nobody to give it to. What's going on, God?