My Other Half
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Many people say to me that I have an amazing story, but to me, it’s just my past. It’s over with, so why dwell on it. For one, I had never realized how much my story could touch people. You know that one adage, “You never know what you have until it’s gone,”? Well, there’s a lot more truth in that statement than some people realize. I never knew how much my twin brother really meant to me until he was gone, forever.
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My twin brother and I were adopted into separate homes. However, the houses we were adopted in were close by, so we still grew up together. We were a rare case, being identical twins but also boy and girl. Some people say that the whole ESP thing between twins is a myth, or that twins don’t finish each other’s sentences but my brother and I were proof that they just aren’t myths.
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My brother’s name was Kyle, and we were inseparable. Both given up for adoption at birth, we were all each other had. Our birth mother only wanted the male half of the twins, and was going to perform a partial-birth abortion. Obviously, she didn’t or I would not be writing this paper. We were moved from foster home to foster home, so we never had a real sense of home. We both were too wary of letting other people into our world. So, we had a very secluded social life. Therefore, we became even closer. He literally was my other half.
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On the up-coming date of October 8, it will be the two-year anniversary of Kyle’s suicide. Yeah, he committed suicide, and this was the beginning of my dark times. Between the both of us, we had this understanding that we would never say three certain words. “I hate you.” Those words, we knew, would tear us down to no point of return. Well, I broke our promise. Here’s what happened.
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Two years ago, my brother had just gotten together with one of our friends. Unfortunately, this made me incredibly jealous. When I look back to that time I become ashamed of how I reacted. I should have been happy that Kyle finally learned how to let other people into his world. Instead it just made me unfathomably jealous. He started spending more and more time with her, and I started feeling like a third wheel, but instead of talking to him about it, I just bottled in the emotions. Well, on October 8, 2006, one of the now-rare days we were hanging out, just the two of us, I suddenly blew up at him. I said such horrible things to him. Then I did something that I’ll never be able to forgive myself for, I said “I hate you, Kyle!” I immediately saw the affects of what I had said. His face paled and he his eyes went wide. I had then stormed out of his house.
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It was about seven o’clock in the evening when I got the phone call. “Colleen...help me..,” It shocked and scared me when I heard how weak his voice sounded, so I immediately went to his house, which was not very far from my own. I don’t think I’ve ever run so fast in all my life. I ran up the stairs and burst into his room. The sight that met my eyes is a sight I will never forget. Kyle had slit his wrists to the point where you can see the blood pushed out with every beat of his heart.
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My other half died in my arms that day. It is a shock to one’s system to see a face that looks like his own face go pale, then lifeless. It was then that I turned incredibly suicidal. I don’t know how many times I tried to commit suicide, but what I do know is that it never worked. It was then that I had my epiphany. If I didn’t belong here, then I would have died a long time ago. Therefore, God must have some important reason for my being here.
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It is that thought that propels me forward today. Sure the experience was painful, and I’ll never forget it. However, I now live by the saying, “What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger", and I strongly believe that someday, I’ll be able to make a big difference with my story. I also believe that I have to also live for my brother. I know that he is watching me, and doesn’t want to see me sad, so I am determined to live my life to fullest.
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