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this time i am talking about the second most hardest thing for me to talk about... my lies.... i lie alot... i try not too and it is basically how i have been able to hide my feelings.

when people have asked me if i was okay... i lied about being okay.. i always think of suicide and genocide... if it wasn't for tea i would have shot up the school... but with me explaining myself maybe i will be less stressed out, depress, masochistic, and annoying to some. i have also lied in relationships.... i felt like i was not good enough for a girlfriend or a boyfriend... i felt like i was a a**, scum, and a loser for not sharing my feelings. i usually like it crash, but other time i had to hurt the one i was with and break up with them.

also i don't really deserve friends... i don't know why they like me... i am nothing that i seem like. the truth is i am emo, but not hardcore.. and i am a nerd... i use to be punk, but not anymore. i have been nothing but a bad friend... i feel like i should not even be hanging with anyone.. for i always cry, but i have cried so much i don't even have tears.... i hate myself... but i don't have the will power to cut myself.. and for that i am weak.

also i lied about my attemps i have only attemped suicide onlt once and that was also homocide with a pencial i was going to shove two pencails into the neck of both me and this kid and the applied persure would have given us a pencial that could not be taken out with out surgery and also given us lead posion killing both of us.. dam teacher next door stopped me.

i have one other thing i have lied about... i do have emotions i just ingore them so that the pain will go away about me lying.