it has been about a year sence my last post here in this journal. so for those who would like to know here is an update on the happenings of my life:
about two months after my last post, i broke up with my then girlfriend and then best freind. we havnt talked sence then. i used to wonder for the longest time if i made the right choice in terminating our relationship so compleatly. its what i wanted, its what she needed. before she moved i was her friend, the one she confided in, but i was her boyfriend only in title. i was her constant in her troubled highschool years, even after she moved. she once told me i was her anchor that kept her from drifting away. the thing is though, when she moved she was to afreid to relize she could swim, so realy the only thing i was doing was weighing her down.
she wanted to go out into the world and explore all the new things around her, but sence i was her boyfreind, she waited pacently until we broke up to do that. I gave her what she wanted, infact i gave her one better, i cut all heart strings connecting us, i burned down the many bridges we built together and i scattered the ashes over the sea.
that girl was my lily, she is my favorite flower. despite all the crud she put up with, despite the fact she tryed to make her self something she wasnt, in her eyes you can still tell how pure her heart is. that i why shes my favorite flower.
She is now growing up to become a great young woman, i get a letter every now and then every holiday and my birthday like clock work...
im not sure exacly how i feel for her, i do miss her, though how im not sure. i love her and miss her though not in a romantic way. i think its more in a wayward friendly way, greatful that she remebers me and that she understands and advocated what i did for her...
After that i went on a journey for love. first i went looking for more friends, hoping that could fill the void. it didnt. Doors opend for me so i tryed to ditch my journey for love for an alternative one along the path of lust, covate, and desire.
but whenever i found someone willing to feed my growing hunger, i backed out. i guess, even despite its curuption, my heart was trying to tell me what i needed and realy wanted most: i just wanted... when ever i got home at night, when ever i would lay in my bed in the dark of night, all alone and forgoten... i just wanted to be able to say that i wasnt alone or forgoten. i just wanted not to be lonly anymore.
[end part 1]
Rain Skyward Community Member 
|
|
