Warning
To people who know me, those who care that I'm still alive and for Michelle. These are just my thoughts and feelings. Im sorry if they hurt, but this is my thinking track recently.
I think I've figured out what my true fear is. My fear is the loss of any loved one. It seams that whenever I get really attached to someone I get pulled away or they get pulled away, it hurts. My friends in Viroqua, I was close with all of them. Guess what happens; Right! I freaking move, forced to go to some freaking huge city where I know no one and the people I see are freaking Stupid as Hell. After a while I get to some of these people and find that they're not so bad. After a year and a half of coming close to only two other people, I get a girl friend; named Michelle. We go strong for two months and guess what I do! I FREAKING CHEAT ON HER!!! The one freaking thing I told myself I would never do, and it's what I do! I lose her due to my own weak will and stupidity. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!? No seriously , I'm really pissed at myself like no one can imagine. I'd bash my head into the wall, but that doesn't hurt anymore -_-'...That's how I figured out that I'm afraid of losing anyone else. There are only two close people (not including family 'cause they don't really count) that I still have. Thank You.
(This is the part thats going to sound offensive(and probably will be) to Michelle(if she reads this))
I mean yes Michelle's all like "Oh, you're still my good friend and I. . ." and yada yada ya. But how much of that does she mean? Yes we're still friends and what not, but when she dumped me she took a piece of me with her and right now my heart is kinda bullet torn so this hasn't gone doen without tears; from me. As far as I know she's just like "Well now that that's over with..." I mean to me it seems that she'd rather pretend we never went out and that hurts the most. . .I wish there was some way to make it up, but I doubt she'd care. She has a new boy friend and I have no problem with that or him. *half smile* Just wish it was me still *sigh*. I hope she doesn't ask me what I think, because even if I said I didn't like him, who gives a damn what I think. It doesn't matter either. But what the hell. Seams most people who leave me or I've left all just fill my spot. As for me the spots in my soul aren't that easily patched.
So hears something pretty wrong. I've found that it seams that most reasons I've left people or they've left me, has something to do with me. Michelle=cheating, Abbey=Me moving, Moving=I'm not going into details about this because it's really confusing-_-'
Thanks for reading
