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I'm tired of being the only person who seems to want things to work, and is actually willing to put an effort into my relationships. Its always like... 'well, why should I have to work so hard?' And then I realise that nothings worth it if you don't work for it- or I at least remember that fact- and tehn I look at things, and realise I'm the only one making an effort. Or at least thats how it seems. I try to work things through, I try to talk things out, and I get chewed up for it, or someone decides they're going to lay the guilt trip on me and for what? Nothing.

I'm actually sitting here, /waiting/ for people who were once really important to me to tell me that they don't care anymore. I'm expecting it. Why? Because its starting to seem like they're only talking to me to keep me from being angry, and its definately turning into a situation where I feel like them talking to me is a burden on /them/. I'm tired of trying so hard to try and make things better. If you honestly hate me that much, go for it. Tell me. I'm a big girl, I can take it. I only come online anymore to talk to one person anyway, and even /they/ don't seem to want me around anymore.

Its funny, because I bet nobody is actually going to read this anyway, as its not as publicly viewable as my deviantart journal. Pah.

I'm also getting sick of people denying things that are painfully obvious. They just keep denying it, even though its a plain thing to see. Its like 'No I'm not-' but you just did. And there is always something pointing it out as well, and they don't bother covering their tracks, and /still/ deny things.

I'm also getting a little sick of being treated like one of the guys. Sure, there's pluses to it- but... I have boobs, and I'm definately missing that extra appendage between my legs. Heck, I used to be able to walk around shirtless and have people staring, but now its just like I'm not even there. I'm not used to this, and I don't like it. I'm so used to being able to snap my fingers and have someone to spend my saturday nights with, but my girlfriend is across the ******** country, and she's not as interested as she thinks she is. Or if she is, she's having a heck of a hard time showing it.

I'm just getting sick of everything- I thought when I moved all the weight would be gone off my shoulders, but all it did was remove one so that another could take precedence. I need to start things over and forget about everything.

I need to pull a disappearing act, which I don't think anyone is really going to care is happening.