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Okay, so I feel like a b***h. I tend to feel that way a lot lately though, same old, same old, right? But, there's something weird about it, feeling like a b***h and not having the feeling to regret.
I mean, quite frankly, when it comes down to it, I think I have the right to be totally disagreeable. It's getting to the point where some acts are getting old and this show gal is ready for a new dance. Being nice doesn't seem to cut it anymore, it seems like every time I'm forgiving and everytime I overlook things that bother me, they come back and they beat me to the ground.
So I'm coming back with a punch now. I'm tired of feeling like crap constantly and oh boy, is that changing. So I came up with this plan, I'm not giving a damn. I'm not contributing to my relationship anymore and seeing what happens if I do next to nothing sometimes like he does. If I stop keeping up the online contact and the phone calls and such, will he even bother? Well, I tried that, felt a little bad, but I logged in and didn't say anything. Felt like I wanted to talk to him for a few good hours (wasn't logged on the whole time) and he never IMed me. But when I think about how often I call to be told "Bai, Bai, see ya later." or realized that I was being totally ignored half of the conversation, it fuels my feelings of anger.
When I think about the countless times I've sat there and seen him flirt with some random gal or post pictures on myspace of girls he'd like to meet, sexy lips, whatever, and he doesn't comprehend why the world's women all think they're ugly.
Well, of course, I never said anything about some of it and how it bothered me, so he could never know, but half of it is common sense. So when I finally feel like IMing him because he won't IM me and then he says he's going to bed, If I give an unenthusiastic reply, I don't blame myself. There was plenty of time to be lovey dovey earlier. Not to mention that the sides of my thighs have been hurting all day to the point that I can barely stand. It's pain. I'm having a hard time getting to sleep.
But yeah, maybe Alex is being a b***h currently, but she's tired of being so easy. If he wants me, he'll have to work for it from now on, because I'm tired of being the one to call and have him not care whatsoever or IM him and have him take 10 minutes to reply while I'm doing absolutely nothing else but waiting for his replies. No, I feel like a desperate two dollar girl, so from now on, I'm changing. I'll let him decide if he feels like talking to someone who replies every ten minutes with "Ok...".
Oh, and if you're reading this sweetie, I love you <3 ^_^
((PS: I saw Purple Rain today, it was amazing <3. Prince's singing= <3333333))
 Shinku Takai · Sun Jun 08, 2008 @ 07:02am · 0 Comments |
