I am sitting here with the door locked, the shades pulled down, the phone turned off. All I see is shadows moving from the light in the fish tank. I keep listening for her to call out my name , asking for something she needs, only silence reaches my ears. I went through yesterday in a slow motion fog I guess, it did not seem real, still doesn't. Only the sound of my little sister crying and holding onto my hand made it into my mind. I wish I knew why God sends for those that are needed so much here on earth, I keep thinking why not me instead.
I want to shut out all feelings and sounds, I feel the anger building inside of me, trying to push it away as best I can. I know all the cliches of how I am needed by my family and how Grams is in a better place, but you know those really have no meaning to me right now, all I see is a life without her and I don;t know if life is worth it without her in it. I wish so many things were different but things are as they are, no amount of wishing changes them. I am grateful for all of the emails and IMs and PMs and comments and phone calls and comments and cards from all of my online friends, I love all of you. I am grateful beyond words for all of you and the love you have sent to me and my sister Casey. I could not make it without all of you, my friends online and offline are my support system, I am blessed by having so many wonderful friends.
Peace and Love To You All
 Data_3rr0r · Mon Apr 21, 2008 @ 04:01pm · 0 Comments |
