Dear world,
Due to the fact that life is full of depression that can't just be deleated, I shall not deleat this email. But I highly recomend that anyone who reads this should stop and read a happyer storry. Because, you see, this will depress you, no dout.
Man I'm so lost!!! When do things get easier? When will it all end and my over-emotional chaotic lifestyl be at peace. My dreams are a pile of ash, set ablaze by the harsh truths and words. I'm pretty much **********ed (dooooooomed) for life. I seem to think that unless there's a hole passing thru my mind I'll never find peace.
The saying "This too shall pass" is a load of ******** (jackalopes)! It not only means that all the bad thing will go away, it also means that the goodthings will too. Sucks right? I know!!!
Well, I can't be Mrs.Brightside all the time, life has a darkside, best not avoid it. I'm no superman (woman). I am a severly depressing person who not only is incapable to prevent the hatred and sorrow from spreding to everything I see, I also and way to emotional and defencive. Not to forget to mention that I am alway in self destruct mode. I'm sorry world, I failled and failed, more times then I could count. Some may say, no Noel, your not a failure. But that's because that's what friends say... But I am, no dout, a failure. IQ tests and ACTs mean nothing if I'm too lazy to use my brain and body for anything. My dad agrees, (says I'm worthless and a b***h. And spitting in my face).
I dont want this life, the lord should give it to someone deserving. I think that tho I've prayed and prayed for the loss of my life and a better fuiture for the world the lord has still kept me here for some purpose. There has to be a reason. But why me? Why? Any answer I can think of isn't a goodenoff reason to allow me life.
I want to lieve, run away, die, (fly, if only it were posible). But omething is stopping me. Perhaps it's the natalgic conection I have to this town. Or purhaps my innerchild still can see the good in life, and still believes that the'll be a happy ending to this story...
K, well I'm still here. Alive. Dead. Whatever! I'm here, for whatever God thinks I'm needed for...
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thanks everyone for the very surprising Christmas <3
thanks everyone for the very surprising Christmas <3