Catalina; 8th grade:
Day 1
I'm a ghost. Preps rule every corner of the universe. I can't breathe air so full of narcisism and putrid popularity and petty drama. Girls feel forever more important in the schools. Nobody notices me-- Annery and I have good wisdom. She's self-conscious about her weight and "love handles" [dont ask]. I am hated by the most evil and deranged super witches. hey love and feast on the pain of the forever more "unpopular"-- they'll change, evil won't.
We are in cabin 23. I remember that number. I run up the cabin in hiking shoes and a bathing suit. Oh, the fear of being shunned. I try not to care.
Day 2
They argue all night. They want to tear her appart. I say nothing. I hope nothing. I wish for the best, there comes the worst. I'd like to run away. Forever stay away from the dirty preps of cold... I don't know....
Some talk too much....
I want to sleep. What to say, it runs a blank....
I'm stupid. Ignorant. Oblivious to the world. I'm self-conscious about my appearance. Oh well, they all suck.
I'm happy. Not that so, but enough. Time to sleep. The lashlight is flickering, so i'll leave now....
School; 8th grade:
Everyone hates me. Run away, forever be free of the evil eyes. They scowl at me, talk crap on me and use their peircing, devil eyes to tear me from the inside out.
"b***h." They forgot the meaning of the word since they said it too much. They don't know how to be good. They forgot the meaning of the words: "I'm sorry" "I love you" "You're so nice" "Thank you" "You're my best friend". They replaced those words with: "F*** you!" "Hey, b***h" "you're so stupid" "Whatever" or anything else.
I know I'm hated and I try to isolate myself-- it doesn't work... once again:
...I have no dignity....
School; 8th grade: "Band performance"
Seeing all those staring eyes. It doesn't hurt me. Ok, it could. I now understand Machelle's phobia of large crowds. She doesn't want to be ridiculed. Like me? Yes. Really and truly? Maybe...
Here, I try to remember that poem I made [now posted on Writerscafe.org]:
"Try Try Try"
I smile; they frown.
I cry; they laugh at me.
I make a mistake; they condescend
I say something rude without meaning to; they hold it against me.
I joke; they stare at me and think I'm stupid
I talk; they ignore me.
"I must be hated..."
School; 8th grade:
Nobody noticed me. No matter how hard I try to show myself, I never am known. Have I ever been in the newspaper? Yes. Did anyone care? Not in the least. Have I ever been forgotten? Did someone remember me? Never.
I should just forget about becoming a famous writer because I'll never be famous. I'll never be known. No one cares...
Silence....
That's all I'm known for. Oh, did I say known? I meant held to. So quiet.
Ok, now, as you can tell, there were a few people who were mean to me and I was a very hopless girl in 8th grade. No need to send me frantic messages telling me "It's ok" or "everything is going to be fine, just hang in there" because these were written a year ago, which was the worst year of my entire life. I'm better now, but if anyone is going to send me frantic messages, they'd have to be about stuff going on now. Nothing really much has been going on now, actually a lot of the stuff going on in my 9th grade year is very intriguing, so yeah... I can remember that one day in 8th grade when I showed up with very dark make-up and my hair in my face; THAT was when I changed completely into this dark emo-child. I never cut myself though. I mean, I know for a fact that I'm alive, so I don't need anything to assure me of that eek
I had friends in 8th grade, tons in fact, I just focused a lot on the people who were mean to me, which isn't a very good thing. People aren't usually mean to me, so it sort of frightened me when they were. I'm better, though... for now....
I hope you've enjoyed my Emo-lapse! biggrin
