school has finished (finally)
and it's a good reason for being happy..
because school is sucks! really sucks..
people are very simple and false there..it's drive me crazy.but I don't care also.
And I don’t like my teacher too!
I came this school for professional teachers! but she can’t teach something even if we’re elemantary students..I want to learn “real things!” not playing child games..but I guess she likes me much. Because of that “I must smiiiiLeee!” poffh.it’s just a wasting time..
I must be happy.
I must stop complaining and I must be happy.
Yeah school sucks but I have a lot of better things than it.
I realized this at my birthday party.
It was at 4th February and obviously it was the best birtday of my life. I received 2 presents (and one is still coming from Istanbul or America o_o I’m still wondering..”what is it? What is it?” XPp) it was a big surprise.. XPp
and a lot of people remembered this day .. (in my previous birthdays only my family and a one friend remembered this day..) but this year I got a few messages from unexpected people.. some of them is really surprised me. And it was a really good feeling X)
yeah..
I “must” be happy..
And sometimes I can do it but..
I don’t know but sometimes I feel a huge space in my mind..and in my heart..
Sometimes I say that thing to myself “Oh Melisa you can’t remember some of important things in your past..you forgot..”
and I can’t throw this sense of my head.
I can’t explain it myself.. a lot of things..
It’s weird or I just want to feel special.. =) hopelessly..
but it’s “really” peacefully.. anyway..
and a space in my heart..deep space..
I know it’s really stupid but I feel like .. I wait and wait and wait someone who doesn’t exist..
always waited..
still waiting..
and I also know that he never come..
Love makes you happy but it gives you sadness too always.. You cry cry cry and cry when you fall in love with someone..I often think it’s not a very good thing -> I mean “loving someone” because you lost yourself when it’s happen..and you should “never” release your only one best friend all of your life..you shouldn’t lost yourself.. I guess..
But! Life is really sucks without a love! If you haven’t someone in your heart life is NOT ENJOYABLE also.. XPp
..
I wait someone.. someone who doesn’t exist..
For example ..
I want someone who doesn’t look you like you’re only a sex toy!
Someone who can see you as a “person”..
Someone who can die for his rights or his love..
Someone who loves you for your heart and soul..not for just use you..
I want someone who is still innocent.. (<-- it’s really impossible X( )
Yeah I know he doesn’t exist but I can’t stop waiting also.. maybe I will wait all of my life.
But I prefer die alone instead of dying with wrong person..
aLone..
Yeah I’m aLone already..
because I choosed this..
yeah I really like much loneliness than humans..
but sometimes I see a Picture like this-->
And my smile fade away slowly..
But I’m stil choosing being aLone..
Because Loneliness isn’t make me happy always..but it gives me peace all the time..
And It’s enough for me.. =) (for now..)
***
(if my sis reads this, she will kill me because of my awful English XPp I’m sorry sis I’m writing this in a hurry..)
x- note: Mattaku..I really made an effort on this XPp -x
