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ok.
so yea.
ive been thinking sooooo much lately..
its so confusing.
its like...
lol...this is gona be like...so girly...
but im a girll...so it shouldnt matter..
its expected of me...
but ok..
theres this boy that ive liked for quite some time now..
[5 months to be exact]
we are very good friends..
we hangout alot..
talk on the phone...
internet..
and yea...
hes sooooo amazing.
but then ..like..a week or so ago..
i met someone who was pretty rad.
random chick at lunch..
so i start talking to her...and invite her over with ..
him one night...
and...shes just all over him...
cuddling...tickling...
and...im soo jelous...
i dont want to be...but i cant help it..
its like..."I found him first...wtf??"
but...i want to be nice.
and just...sit and watch...
when really as its happening..
i want to just...kill both of themm.
or cut out my eyes...and cover my ears...
im sick of it.
i love em both to death..
but not together.
i get so jelous so easily.
and i think that he likes her too..
and that im slowly just gona be cut out of the picture...=[

in a way..
ijust want to steal him from her...
and if she wants to hang out or something..
just...leave her...
but...then how would i feel if i were in her shoes??
its just...gahhhhh.
and i still want to be friends..
but in a way...i really just want to.
stop being his fiend..
and say...
"Ok hes all yours'"
"i dont wanna be here anymore..while you cuddle and hold hands..and be happy"
when im all sad and in the corner freezing...
gahhhh.
and still no room of my own.

my dad decided that he doesnt want to move up here yet......
so no him...
i wonder if he really thinks about ..how much it hurts when hes not here..
i almost feel like there divorced or something...
its horrible...
and i want to just tell someone everything that im feeling...and just...let it all out for once..
like ill be with friends...and im smiling ...and laughing...but really in my head im crying ,and screaming...
and i just want it to stop.

im really missing everyone in florida now...
its so weird thinking..that i havent seen any of them for over 5 months..
going on 6....
thats half a year!!!!
i cant believe that...
but gahhhhhhhhhhhh.
headdhurtts.
but really.
i went to a movie fest today over at her house..
with him..
and it was ....fun...
not really...
at first i felt so out of place..
like i should just run away...
and leave them there..
but i didnt..
and around the end..
it was better.
we were all comunicating..
and i didnt feel too left out..
he held my hand a little bit..
and my feet were cold ,so he was rubbing his warm feeties on mine..
<3333
it felt so nice...
i wanna hug something.
like a animal...
or him..
but gah...
got to keep my emotions in the skull now..
or they'll get out of hand...
i love how ...no one will probably read this...
yay...
well i think i might go cry somewhere...
cause i want to...
bye

</3
megan.