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Sometimes I Can't Believe
Well, there are actually a number of things I sometimes can't believe. I can't believe I ended up with such a wonderful guy. Someone who cares so much about me and who genuinely wants to make me happy.
But mostly I can't believe other people. Why is it everyone is against me being happy???
Take for example a mutual acquantaince of ours. Continually wants to know why I haven't given Jon head or why we aren't having sex.
Or, what is actually bugging me, a friend of his. This friend insists on calling on Jon whenever she has a problem. Jon went through a period of liking her last year, but she rejected him rather sharply. And so Jon obviously dropped that fairly quickly. They were still friends, but she has been ostracizing and basically using that friendship with him, abandoning him when she feels like it. He will try and plan to get together with her (taking away from the time I can spend with him) and she won't call him back and will "forget" to meet him...and then complain later that she never sees him. I'm tired of seeing him get hurt like this, since he doesn't want to just abandon his friend (like I think he should since she is just using him) and yet he is continually frustrated by her.
And now I have more reasons to dislike her, and I feel awful, because I know I shouldn't feel this way about her since she isn't my friend, per se, but I can't help it.
Firstly, she continually squirms when Jon and I are together...we can just be holding hands and she will get upset. Remember that I am 19 years old and she is older than me. We have come to the general conclusion that she doesn't like that Jon has actually found someone he genuinely enjoys spending time with. That he is, heaven forbid, DATING someone. Before she is. I think she may also have liked the idea that he liked her, and now that he has a steady gf (even though it has been over a year), she is upset.
Now, Jon has been so worried about ignoring her that not only is it stressing him out, but she was now the cause of our first major argument...not something I am too happy about. Since Jon and I won't be seeing as much of eachother come summer, we planned a big dinner date for tomorrow evening, where we were planning on spending the remainder of the night together until we leave the next day. However, as he is on the phone with her, with me sitting there attempting to finish some papers, he starts talking about trying to get together with her this evening. Fine, since I needed to finish this work. But then, she obviously was too busy out with her friends to see him (again, fine, since she has plans, but I wish she would stop making him feel bad when he doesn't devote his life to being there constantly for her), so they tryed to plan a time to get together tomorrow. He suggested both breakfast and lunch, and she then apparently asked about dinner and he said that should be fine. I glared at him, but he didn't catch on. When he finally got off the phone, he asked me what had caused that.
I said, "Dinner, tomorrow?"
He blinked and thought for a minute, then cursed and started appologizing.
The thing is, I am forgotten about by my friends a majority of the time and this really hit home the fact that no one remembers plans they make with me. He knew, at least, how mad I was, and suggested we take a walk and talk about what had happened. Which I am glad for, because we needed to do that. Because otherwise I would sit and stew for a good long time about it and I would have bet that might have been the beginning of the end of our relationship.
I know its bad, but I'm a big one on if I leave, and you don't want me to, you better come after me. Afterwards you can play it by ear if you stick around or give me time to cool off. But you have to come after me, because I won't chase you.
And I trust that he really didn't just forget about me and our plans for our date, because he will do insane things like that and neither one of us can believe how quickly this last week has gone. But the thing is, I still now have those lingering doubts. Is he just using me? Is he going to break my heart? Is he just a really good playa, or does he actually mean the things he said?
He made a wonderful appology, telling me that he was going to show me how much I mean to him, to prove that not all guys out there are just out to treat women like jerks.
I finally told him a while ago that I was falling in love with him, and he said the same to me. The thing is...we don't really mention it that much, and I don't know if that is because we are both too timid to say anything and possibly push the other person, or if we just sense the timidity of the other person...
But I can't forgive that girl for being the cause of this fight. Although it was good for our relationship, I just hate that that had to be our first big fight. It was good that we were able to talk about these things, but it really is true that I hate how much effort he puts into helping that girl and how little she does for him. Which to me, just shows me what a wonderful person he is. Because he's talked about how upset he is with her and has mentioned that he isn't sure how long that relationship will last.
When he finally went down to meet her tonight, she apparently asked that he not bring me, which again, maddens me, since she says she likes me and enjoys hanging out with me. I hate when people lie, and that is one thing I can't stand is double faced people like that. If she doesn't like me around Jon, then I can handle that, but don't act like you are my friend if you don't think of me as such. And don't invite me along if you don't want me there.
I love Jon so much and don't want to lose him, but I know this girl is going to be a slight sore spot for me and I hope I am not over-reacting to it. I just want to make sure Jon doesn't get hurt...
I love comments on my journal and would really appreciate you taking the time to read the back entries on this subject so as to give me a good perspective on what you think. Comments are always welcomed and I always respond to my comments...so feel free to check back!
Thank you all for reading all of this...I could use the help.
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Community Member
You seem to be doing well. Is a bit too sappy for my taste. I live with the guy that I feel for and we always have stupid arguments, that are usually over in about 5 minutes, and then he has to freakin' tickle me. Yeah, life sucks. Fights arn't bad, is a good thing. Life is not happy or perfect, don't ever trick yourself into thinking it is. All good comes with equal bad. Getting past the bad in one piece is what it's all about. If you can get past a fight, argument, ect and still being willing to talk, that's what you want.
Don't sweat the small stuff, but making your opinion known is a good thing. If you don't like something or are upset, just tell him. If you are upset about the bich-chick, just tell your bf this. Tell him why too, he's just gonna think you're jelous if you just say, "I don't like her, don't talk to her." You should make comment to him that you think she's trying to come between you two... maybe give examples, examples are good.
You can just ignore me, I'm crazy and such. It's just what I would probabaly do in your situation. Also don't get so worried, if he really does love/like you, he's not going to leave so easily.