Okay, so...Yesss...I'm settled into the apartment and stuff. It's been a few weeks since I moved to Atlanta and, though, everything still seems very big to me and I've yet to -really- put my trust in very many people I've met, I'm sure I'll get used to the supposed 'fast life' around here.
My classes at AIA are rather decent. I never have more than one a day, which gives me a fair amount of time for homework and to think about getting a job. But, I'm getting pretty sick of just thinking about working.
I've applied to numerous places already and am simply waiting for them to contact me about calling my references. I'm sure that I shouldn't be so impatient...people are busy and all. But, I really want to work.
It isn't that I'm just looking for a job for money, though that is about 75% of it. Truth be told, I just want to work. I want to have a responsibility, so that I can prove that I can handle myself well in the workforce. I want something to go to everyday, rather than just sitting around this apartment, doing nothing.
I need a distraction, and I'm sure work could be a very positive one.
Anyways...I'm feeling very alone lately. I really want a boyfriend, but I'm not very good at just going up to someone and saying "Hey, I like you." I've only done it once before, and that wasn't an amazingly positive experience. I suppose I just expect too much out of people, you know? I want to be noticed but, then again, I do make myself very...unnapproachable to people.
Around here, a lot of people think of me as the angry girl. These boys come to the door, hoping to talk to one of my roommates, and whenever I answer, I never give a smile. But, it's only because I just want them to get to the point of them being there. As for me never opening the door wide enough for them to just walk in at first, it's because I don't trust any of the guys around here. Sure, some of them are nice, but I just don't trust them.
The other day, some guy just waltzed into the apartment. Just walked in, like he owned the place. So, I fussed at him. Never told him to get out, but he caught my drift after the first few moments. "Where's your roommate?" he asked me. I told him she just wasn't here and that he had no business just walking into someone's place.
He would have asked me another question, but I gave him a pretty annoyed 'What?!" when he called my name. And he has the nerve to say 'Nevermind. You got an attitude." And I'm not supposed to have one?
Those are just one of the things that makes me not trust guys. Don't get me wrong. I'm not interested in women, or anything, and I doubt I ever will. I'm just not attracted to breasts and feminine faces...I'd rather have a sweet, rugged sort of man...
Maybe Colin Farrel, or Bono from U2...But, not as crazy as Collin, because I couldn't stand the chain smoking and the drinking. I'd get pissed off and try to take his head off with a broken bottle, or something...
Or, maybe a geeky sort of guy...Some scrawny, computer and video game geek that's so cute that you can't help but want to put him in a birdcage and call him yours forever..
I just...want someone to love. Someone to sleep with. No, not sexual sleep. Just someone to cuddle at night, when I'm feeling lonely. And, more often than not, I am.
Not so much as before now, though. I have school to distract me, thank goodness. School's good...
I do have a small crush on someone, but I...kind of don't want to think about it too seriously. I think that I get crushes too quickly...I start to admire things about guys and, immediately, I think that I have a crush on them...But, then again, that's only happened a few times before...so, I'm confused. Maybe I do, maybe I don't...
Either way, I should probably stay away from guys during college anyway, right? Just distractions...things to come between me and my schoolwork.
Geh...I'm so rambly...I'll stop for now...
Mookyvet Community Member 
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