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I will mostly use this for updated chapters of all my stories, so enjoy and please if you read it, review it.
Chapter One: Receiving the Rite
So ya I decided I'll just put the first chapter up. ^^; I'm done writing this though. I got inspiration to write a new story. An original. I'll give you more details later. ^^; Soo I guess here it is. The first and Last chapter of Tales of the Gems. ^^;


CHAPTER ONE: Receiving the Rite.

Thunk! Thunk! Thunk! Three onyx-colored shurikens embedded into the center of a bulls-eye painted on the bark of a tree. Landing 30 yards away was a boy of about 18. He wore the dark-green outfit of a forest ninja, a hood covering auburn-brown hair. He was a thin boy with emerald eyes that looked at the painted target with concentration; a lot of the bark was missing from the middle of the mark. Aden Midachuni loved practicing deep in the woods that lay near a quaint little town he now called home. It was a great place to get away and perfect his techniques, and now of all times was when he needed to perfect them. Recently, he had been told that he would accompany the group that would revive the Mana Tree. It was a ritual that had to be carried out every 200 years or so. He didn’t know much more about it, but he knew that he would be told more eventually.

Aden walked to the tree, two hilts dangling from each side, and pulled out the pointed stars. That was when he heard soft footfalls coming towards him. He turned around with both Turinaga Blades gleaming in the sunlight of the forest, only to find a small girl of about 13. Her Hazel-blue eyes widened in fright at the sight of the weapons and then went back to their normal cheery selves as Aden sheathed his swords.

“I’m sorry to scare you Aden,” the girl said, brushing her shoulder-length, dark blonde hair behind a pointed ear.

“It’s all right Arlen. Next time try to make yourself more noticeable, okay?” Aden smiled. “So, what are you doing here?”

“I’m here to take you to town. The mayor wants to see you.”

“It must be time for the ritual then,” Aden wondered aloud. Arlen nodded to him and ran off into the woods towards town. He followed slowly, taking his time and looking at the foliage. They shimmered in the wind, creating dancing shadows all around. He followed the dirt path that connected Oshellia and his training area.

The village was situated in a forest that was on a low plateau in the Northwest region of Symphonia. Symphonia was a crescent shaped land with the Mana Tree on an island in the very middle. Sharp rocks and whirlpools making it impossible to reach by any way other than by magic surrounded this island. In the Northwest were lush forests that housed the town of Oshellia. These forests opened up to large, open plains that were home to the town of Empter, a small seemingly empty town that housed but a small amount of people. Farther down to the South was the Fiery Desert, an extremely hot desert plain thought to house the Fire Spirit itself. In the center of this hot wasteland lay Oasis City, a city that surrounded a spring of water. To the east of the Fiery Desert lay the Frigdia Mountain Range. Resting on one of the tall peaks was the city of Frigdia.

Symphonia was split into two areas in the center by a large river called the Great Divider. The river flowed from the mountains on the southern edge to Heimdall, the village of the elves. Crossing over the huge waterway was the Great Bridge. A little ways north of the Great Bridge was the legendary Lake Unicorn. Said to have an actual unicorn living on the lake, the city on the southern coast, Aquanera, was very popular by tourists and other people trying to prove the rumors about unicorns. On the southern coast of Symphonia was the small town of Coastantle, a ferry town that took people to the island of Alvanista housing Windy Town. Heading up the Eastern point of Symphonia, a town called Briton was situated. It was said that the nearby spirit of light kept the town bright with daylight even during the night. The northern tip of the continent housed a large area of mountains. At the bottom of the area was Bodernica, a place for people to ready themselves for the climb to Caveralia, a city built completely inside a mountain. Southeast of this mountainous area laid Oscuren Forest, a heavily forested area with trees so close together one couldn’t see the sun even on a sunny day. Deep within the forest was Michiyashi Village, home to a secret ninja clan, the clan that Aden once belonged to before he was exiled for…

Aden shook his head of the reverie as he reached the clearing where Oshellia lay. It was a beautiful town; a tall wooden wall made of thick tree trunks surrounded the inner sanctum of the village. He walked up to the gate and was met by the Mayor. He was a kind man in his mid to late thirties with a gruff voice and charming eyes. Short, light-brown hair sat upon his head. Aden laughed to himself at the Mayor’s large girth.

“Good afternoon mayor, it’s good to see you,” Aden bowed to the head of the village.

“And you too Aden,” the Mayor awkwardly returned the bow. “I see my message made it to you safely.”

“Yes sir, albeit a little startlingly.” Aden chuckled. “So is the ceremony close to beginning?”

“Yes it is. Nurami is getting prepared to receive her rite. I’m pretty sure you can go see her.”

Aden blushed slightly at the comment. It was known around the village that Aden had a crush on Nurami.

“Where is she?” He asked.

“I’m pretty sure she’s in her house.” Aden waved goodbye to the Mayor and headed through town towards Nurami’s house. Small, wooden houses flanked him on either side. They usually had someone at the door waving to him and he returned the favor with a smile. Pretty soon he stood in front of one of the houses and walked up the dirt path to the door. Just as he was about to knock on the door it opened and a girl of about eighteen with long, blonde hair to the small of her back came out and bumped rather awkwardly into Aden.

“Sorry, I was just coming up to see if you were ready,” Aden said nervously.

“Yes, I’m ready,” Nurami sighed.

“Is something wrong?”

“No, nothing, it’s fine.”

“Would you like me to walk you to where everyone else is?” Aden asked, getting beside her for some comfort.

“Sure,” She smiled at him and they walked off toward the north side of town to meet with the rest of the group.

At the northern gate Nurami and Aden met up with the Mayor, Arlen and her older brother Tetsu. Tetsu was the same age as Aden but a little shorter and had a head of long, black hair that hung to his eyebrows. He was clothed in a plain-looking robe and was carrying a shiny, golden rod covered in intricately carved runes onto the surface of the metal.

“Are we all ready to go?” Aden asked the two teens as he approached with Nurami.

“It seems like it,” Tetsu replied and turned to go but was stopped by the Mayor.

“Where are you going so soon?” He looked at Tetsu who ‘humphed’ at being stopped. “You don’t even know where you’re going. The ritual is going to be held in a derelict building on the other side of these woods in a clearing on top of a hill. I’ll meet up with you there. Good luck.” With that he disappeared into the trees.

“Anybody else find that a little scary?” Nurami asked, her face a little pale. Receiving only looks from the rest of the group, she followed them into the dark woods. Contrary to the bright and shimmering light of the path to Aden’s training ground, the woods were dark and foreboding, and also, just a little bit scary. They wandered in there for an hour to find that they had come back to the place they had been before.

“We’re traveling in circles!” Arlen groaned.

“No we’re not, there’s the exit there!” Nurami pointed to an arch of light not too far away from them, beyond the arch was the derelict temple they were looking for. They all ran towards only for the light to be blocked out by a huge hulking creature. Curved horns sprouted from its head that held crazy, ruby eyes. Black fur covered him from head to clawed toe. The monster held a large, wooden shield and a sick looking curved scimitar. Next to the hulking brute was a man with blue ponytail and a black cape trailing behind him. He held by his side a double-edged sword with runes the color of his hair. The group stopped dead in their tracks at the sight before them.

“This is the final part of your test,” the started towards the youths. “Defeat the beast and you earn the right to move on toward your intended path, fail and it ends right here.” He took a pause before continuing on. The wind swirled from inside the forest causing his cape to flail about behind him. “This test will show you what it will be like traveling Symphonia. This is one of the many beasts you will face, along with these monsters you must fight the summon spirits you are trying to befriend. But I’ll get that later, for now, have fun.”

He grinned and walked away while the beast let loose a guttural roar and started to charge. Reacting quickly, Aden threw three shurikens at the behemoth only for them to impale themselves into the thick shield. Snorting, Tetsu gathered mana about him to cast a spell at the creature while Nurami did the same. Arlen cocked one of her arrows and let it fly crazily towards her attacker. Distracted by Aden, who had unsheathed his Turinaga blades and was attacking with them, the monster was struck in the shoulder with the arrow making him drop his shield.

At that moment, Tetsu let loose a barrage of fireballs toward his enemy. The beast howled in pain as the smell of burning flesh and hair filled the air. While the beast was stunned by the spell Aden ran in and sliced and hacked everywhere he could get to, so much so that he could feel a surge of energy rising with him. Spinning around, he let loose a wave of energy from his swords. It struck the beast with monstrous force, sending him staggering back to be struck by rocks coming from the ground. Aden smirked at Tetsu for the help as he paused to catch his breath.

Arlen shot an arrow at the monster, but it was knocked aside by the beast’s sword that he then brought down upon Aden’s side. He yelled in pain as Tetsu jumped up in front of the monster’s sword, blocking it with his staff as Aden writhed in pain on the ground. Seeing her friend in danger, Nurami summoned mana around her and Aden. Soon an ethereal green glow surrounded the two as Arlen showered the behemoth with arrows. Finally the mana was released and the nerves, blood vessels, tissues, and skin reconnected making it look as if he had never even been hurt save for the tear in his clothes.

It was evident both sides of the fight were getting weary. But the teens kept attacking it hoping the beast would soon fall. Finally, all at once the group released attacks. Arlen let loose three arrows, Tetsu sent off a bolt of lightning from his staff, Nurami summoned a red plastic hammer to bop it hard on the head, and Aden with a primal yell stabbed both of his swords into its chest. With a howl of pain the animal fell backwards; the rage in its eyes finally quelled as it died.

“We finally did it,” Aden panted, sheathing his swords after wiping the blood off them.

“It wasn’t that hard,” Tetsu boasted.

“Of course it wouldn’t for the people who will revive the world,” the caped man appeared again. “Now come with me and we shall start the ritual of revival.”

He walked off toward the temple with the teens close behind. They entered the derelict building and gaped at its beautiful design.

Statues of the summon spirits were placed on the walls at equal intervals around the circular room. Three archways decorated with unrecognizable stone statues stood in front of them. Looking up they saw a beautiful dome with a circular opening in the exact center. A beam of orange light fell at an angle into the room, lighting it up rather lightly. They followed the man through the center arch to a huge set of ornately carved wooden doors. They pictured a scene of tranquility in a forest with vines branching out in all directions. The man walked up to the doors and with a great strain opened them towards the adjoining room.

This room was much like the first save for one difference. In the center of the room was a huge, lavender mechanism. It was circular in shape with some type of stone plate that had the name, Verius, carved on it. The man turned around to the teens and spoke.

“I am Yuan,” he said. “And you are about to receive the means to revive your world as you know. Are you ready Nurami Ancheda Forester?”




Ya so it prolly sucks. Still comment anyway. ^^;
meta out






User Comments: [3] [add]
Lyuriii
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Wed Aug 08, 2007 @ 05:44am
Sounds like an AU fic to ToS, to me. neutral
Just because. :3 At the very beginning, I thought that Aden was throwing Shurikens at the Mana Tree. I would. :O


commentCommented on: Fri Aug 17, 2007 @ 04:54am
Um... I'm assuming this is before the Game, right? sweatdrop

Anyway, you write a mean fight scene and all, and you did a good job describing the world.

But... was it really necessary to go completely in depth on what the world looks like? I'm not dissing, I'm just wondering if readers REALLY needed to know all of that ahead of time, it's cool. But a better method is to introduce the descriptions of these locations separately, like each time they visit the place it gets described.

But, hey, like I said, that's a preference thing over story writing etiquite. Getting all of that out of the way is a must when it's a situation like you're giving a "tour" of the place. You know those documentary/commercial thingies when the camera pans in and out of various spots of the subject location and a narrator guy in a soothing voice explains it all, right? That's kinda what you did. It's an acceptable technique.

The Only REAL problem is that it feels like you're pulling names out of the sky and slapping it on characters like sticky notes, as if you expect us to know their names immediately. You didn't even properly associate a few characters with their names. Like, what's the name of that blonde girl, anyway? You'd fare well if you stuck the name with a repeated description, like saying 'The Purple haired girl named McMahon' or something like that after the initial description.

Yeah, that's all. Otherwise, good writing. Sorry for the rambling.



Chicken Yuki
Community Member
krisslanza
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Wed Aug 29, 2007 @ 03:21pm
It doesn't suck sweatdrop
It was pretty well written and the fight scene was done well and was pretty easy to follow. Describing the land itself wasn't so bad, although I don't know if you really need to unless there is a reason for the main character to be really thinking about it... But it did help paint a picture of how the world looks.

All in all it's pretty good. Whenever I write anything it's usually more talking then descriptions emo


User Comments: [3] [add]
 
 
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