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story comming soon


Xymanore
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5 comments
Chapter one
Chapter one

It’s the middle of the night in the Royal City in the land of Carnicin.

The evening shows the moon peaking through the clouds as it keeps watch over the land.

Puddles on the stony walkway shows its reflection as if to say I see you too. In the town

Of Scalnersbe events occur on time the same every night. The Lightening Rail

Passes at the stroke at the hour of midnight which would indicate a atmosphere of what

Would be normal, however that is not the case on this particular night.

The silent night air is split open with shouts of, “Don’t let her get away!!!!” and “Hurry, she mustn’t get away!!!!!!!” The shouts stopped for a brief moment for the people the shouts were coming from to regroup.
The people turned out to be the first division of the royal guard. The guards quickly stood to attention as one guard walked between the ranks. This man was obviously the commanding officer of this battalion he quietly asked,
“How far did she would you guess she is now?”
A much younger looking soldier said,
“She shouldn’t be far. The second division should be cutting her off soon.”
The General held quaint smile on his face and uttered one word,
“Excellent.”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
“Huff…Huff…Huff”
A young girl had just stopped running and had looked behind her to see if she was being followed…. Nothing. She turned back around and said quietly,
“I think I lost them around that last turn.”
She had just run off the main road into an alley to try to escape her pursuers and it seemed to have worked. She looked down, Her kimono was still wearable, but she would have to replace it if this kept up much longer.
She felt for her money pouch, which was still tucked in her kimono’s waist ribbon. She thought to her self,
“Good its still here.”
Then She suddenly heard shout of,
“ There she is!” and “Get her!”
She ran back to the main road but to her surprise she was trapped. While she was checking her self, the guards had surrounded her. She swore under her breath, and quietly prayed.
Suddenly, a figure appeared between her and the first battalion. It was tall and had two large wings extending from its back, her thoughts filled with,
“An angel…. No angels have white wings…this one’s wings are black…. and why is protecting me?”
The figure turned its head and looked at her gently and with a strong, but at the same time caring voice he said,
“Go down the ally behind you,” he dropped a small scroll from his sleeve,” and follow these directions. I’ll answer most of you questions then.”
She picked it up and said,”…. But.”
“GO!!!!!”
She stood up and started to run down the dark ally. After getting about a hundred yards away she looked back and she saw his two black wings rise in the air.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The angel or what ever he was looked over his shoulder to make sure she was running, then slowly turned his head back towards the guards with a smile on his face. He cocked his head to the side and said calmly,
“Ok… who’s first?”
He pulled a sword from its sheath and threw it on the ground while he held the sword ready for combat. The guards drew their own swords, while some seemed to laugh at him and one said,
“Talk about a fool, this guy thinks he can take us all.”
The man said nothing as the guards began to surround him. His wing flew up and then disappeared and he tapped the sword on his shoulder almost like he was waiting for one to attack. The guard that had insulted him attacked first with a quick slash that was easily parried. The angel back flipped over him and planted his sword into the guard’s chest, straight through the heart. The corpse slid off the blade soaking the ground under it in blood. Another guard attacked with a fierce attack towards the head. The angel ducked under it and did a 360-spin attack, which sliced through the guard like butter splitting him in two. The guard then decided to attack in groups, which to them seemed like a good idea at the time, but the groups were destroyed just as a fast as the first to guards.
After five minutes the entire first and second battalions had been slain. The commanding officer walked up and said,
“WHAT…HAPPENED…. HERE?!”
The angel responded while cleaning the blood off his sword,
“You lead you sheep to a slaughter and if you want to you can join them.” He raised his sword again.
“Who… What are you?”
“THE ANGEL OF DEATH.”
“Wh….at do you mean?”
“My lord and master told me to protect the girl”
“an….and who….who would that be?”
“Sorry, I Don’t feel like telling you.”
With that the angel said a quick prayer and sent his sword through the Generals heart.
He wiped his sword clean and sheathed it. Then he turned toward the ally the girl went down and walked down the stony path.





User Comments: [5]
theJuniorCadet
Community Member





Tue Jul 03, 2007 @ 11:18pm


me likey! it good! ^,^ nice detail!


luffy121
Community Member





Sun Jul 08, 2007 @ 12:45am


dude, that was awesome!!!


Pain-Killer 4 Dead Angels
Community Member





Sun Jul 08, 2007 @ 01:00am


oh wow...that was so awesome had me glued from the beginning!!! That was to great for words

awesome just awesome 10/10


Zuki Tenshi
Community Member





Fri Jul 11, 2008 @ 04:18am


    I must say you began your story with good detail. Really painting the setting in the mind of the reader. You need to watch your grammer a little bit though, you changed tenses there for a moment. At one point you were in present then you started writing in past tense.
    You have a clear picture of your character in your head. Give just a little more detail on what they look like. Even if you feel like your saying too much on their discription, work it in with the text so it flows and it helps the readers better picture the character you are picturing.
    Go into more details about how Sofia is feeling with her confussion and the pure adrenaline of being chased down and hunted, the being saved, having no clue as to even what her savior was at first. Is her chest on fire from the running? What are her thoughts as she's trying to escape? [yes I know you already included that I am merely suggesting perhaps going more in depth, it's your story you don't have to and it's fine the way it is...this was merely a suggestion]
    I think the begining was fairly well though. You didn't dive right into too much information and action so it was easy to follow.

    :3 Very good job Xyamanore [you are sitll xyamanore to meh]
    My interest has been caught and I do look foward to future updations from you ^^


katey-cat01
Community Member





Thu Sep 18, 2008 @ 12:44am


Nice really good plot


User Comments: [5]
 
 
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