I don't know. Did we? I feel empty and hollow. I don't know anything anymore, what I want, how I feel. I wish I could go back and change everything, but I can't. If only I could though. He needs someone better, someone who can actually, physically be there. Someone's who's not worth s**t. I can't do this anymore. I need a break or something. Maybe I won't come on for a bit. I don't know. Even if I said I wouldn't, I probably would. There's too many people on here I talk to that I wouldn't be able to stay away from, and I need to talk to someone right now.
********.. Did I ******** up? Should I have even said yes? All I've done is hurt people, hurt so many so much. I just can't help it, and I can't stand that I do that. ******** hell. I'll just drown my sorrows in alcohol again probably. I have Kokanee beside me here and another unopened on the floor. There's still Smirnoff and Swirls in the fridge and there's vodka in the cabinets. I could easily just get wasted to forget everything, but that wouldn't be right, would it?
I don't know if I'll go to my friend's birthday or not, or if I'll go hang out with Travis and his friends this morning. I don't know what I'll do. Rotting away in this bed sounds nice right now. Getting to be a thousand pounds and having to have Greg bring me what I need to survive... ********. I'm pathetic.
Well, I'll go before I become a total ******** or start writing here if I get drunk. THat'd be too embarassing, like before. But of course it was kind of fun then. Have you ever noticed that beer tastes better when you're drinking with friends? I have. And it's so much more easier to forget how much you've had and get drunk and crazy.
Damn it. I said I'm going to go, and I will now.
 Kiarrii · Wed Mar 21, 2007 @ 11:53am · 5 Comments |
