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Ho-ho, it's lovely to back here. xP I disappeared for a while, for those of you who don't know what I'm talking about. (:
Anyway, it was mostly because I had a sleep over with my friend, Yvonne. It was awesome, and it was amusing to watch her play Zelda. xD I sat there a lot of the time and went inside of my head: "IT'S THAT! THAT'S THE KEY, DAMN IT!" Lol, I can get a little frustrated when I see someone playing Zelda and just beginning, though there are the amusing moments, for certain. My ex best-friend Lindsay claimed that I was some kind of a Zelda... "pro" when we played because the puzzles just all clicked with me. I dunno about being as good as she says that I am, but I do do well, and when I bought Zelda: The Twilight Princess in the first week I had like twenty-five hours in and I hadn't gotten stuck once. Now I'm stuck. Mis-ser-rab-leee. Every time I get stuck in Zelda, it's a HUGE stuck. Le sigh. And it's FINDING the temple that I'm stuck on, not something inside of it. rolleyes I'm super tempted to look in a cheat guide and find out to get past my stuck point, but I want, I NNEEEEEDD to get through this game without cheating. D:< I'll accept help from fellow Zelda-ers who are right there beside me and need to figure it out too, but no cheat guides! NEVAH'! NOT NOW, I WON'T! xD
I also got Shadow of the Collosus. Good lord that game is GOOOOOD! I got it about three days ago and I'm on my eighth Collosus. I shall smite zem. >:3
Guild Wars is also fantastic. I adore how I can play yet IM/RP at the same time. cool Plus not paying a monthly fee kicks a**.
Kingdom Hearts... even more incredible then what I've heard about it. Addictive, that sure as hell is certain. I also got like twenty-five hours into that when I first started playing. I play too many video games. rolleyes
In other news besides video games, I'm unsure about what to do with Daniel! (That's right, you're going to have to listen to my love problem! Mweeheehee.) The last date we were on he kissed me, which I liked, but then he continued to try and kiss me. He was too aggressive. And because of my inexperience with boys, I don't know if he's really being too aggressive or not. But it was just the second date, and one lip-touch was enough for me. D: We're not officially boyfriend and girlfriend yet, so I'm not sure if I should n** this relationship in the bud or not. He admitted that he was thinking that he might've been too aggressive, and he's never had a relationship either, so I dunno what to think. |: I think that I'll ask my sister, Audree, about it. I might stop going on dates with him because we live in different towns, and after him being aggresive I'm not sure about how I feel about him anymore. Think, think!
Am I too calculating for my own good? talk2hand I know that I am. I push my emotions aside and think of things because I know that if I don't that I'll make bad decisions. Yet it feels as if I let my emotions rule me, although sometimes they don't. You need to have a balance, and yet, I can't seem to find it. v_v
And, ironically, after Doom suggested that I work on rhetoric, I had to do a dialog writing assignment for English! xD Truthfully, I hate the damn thing- I don't know what my teacher thinks/thought of it, but I hate it. It's not good! At all! I'm such a perfectionist. Even if it holds any quality at all, I can't see it. I have to say that I looked away from my teacher when she came by and picked the assignment up from my desk. rofl
Also, after my sleep over with Yvonne, my old friend Lindsay called me. I was happy... sort of. She hadn't called me in several months. We didn't even exchange Christmas gifts or cards, which we did last year even though she lived about two hours away. Then she calls, and I'm happy, and then it's about Zelda. She wanted to get my help on the Water Temple. I felt... miserable, and despite just having had a sleep over for the first time in almost an entire year, I felt incredibly lonely. Lindsay only made it worse when she made a comment about me being her best friend. I couldn't even believe her, at all. I didn't even think that she thought of me as a friend anymore. After all, when I first told her that I was going to move to New Mexico, she just went: "Oh? That's too bad. Anyway," and then continued with what she was saying before. She didn't say anything else, or even state that she didn't want me to leave. Before she'd been begging me to stay, and when she herself had had to first move about a year or so before I did, she'd cried because she said that she would miss me. And she even asked me: "Gelsey, no matter how far I go away, you'll always be my best friend, right? No matter how far you go?" I said yes, of course, and for the next few months we both called each other. And then suddenly she started slipping away from me, and I hardly felt that we were friends anymore. I felt... so guilty, because just a month before I'd actually prayed that she would stop being so attached to me. She was always beside me. When she started turning her head and beginning to ignore me, I hated myself, so badly, for wishing something so stupid. I was selfish, ignorant, and just dumb. I loved taking care of her, and leading her the right way, and how she acted like a kid and how easily she'd admit what she was worried about. She would come to me for advice, and together, on video games and everything else, we were the unbeatable team. Together, there was nothing that could stand in our way, and where my courage lacked hers was there, and where her maturity lacked mine was there. I might sound hateful right now, but it isn't hate, it's sadness. And then, after not hearing for so long, she calls me, for advice on a video game, doesn't ask me what I've been doing when I first pick up. And then she says that I'm still her best friend? And then I can tell that she's depressed, and I'm too far away to help her. Every time I call her she either doesn't pick up or is too distracted to be in a full conversation with me. When she called, I almost cried. It's impossible for someone else to make a tear shed from my eye, and yet she can do it so easily. Why do I have to be so insecure? Why are there those people, who no matter how distant they are from you, you never forget them, never forget those mistakes, those memories, everything bad or good that you did that was with or about them? Even if you yourself are forgotten by them? Hoping, right there beside the phone, that it'll start ringing, and that you'll pick it up and it'll be the very person that you were waiting for?
Mm, living life. It gives you strength, sorrow, happiness, fears, wisdom, and anger. I know a lot, too much than I should, I think, and yet there is still so much for me to learn that by the time that I die and leave this world to walk with God I won't have even learned half of it. "Strong." When you said that, Rose, I took a moment to stop and think, and stared at the screen with a confused expression on my face for a good while. I do not view myself as strong. I don't think that anyone, when they look at their raw, exposed selves, stops and thinks as themselves as "strong." Even if they are the most self-righteous person ever, deep down, inside, they have a true view about themselves inside of their mind. When we think about who were are, how often do we stop and think about our good qualities? Not thinking about the hatred and depression within our lives? Despite thinking without letting my opinion get in the way, when I think of myself, the word "strong" does not come into my mind. Yet I think of everyone else as strong, even villains, for they had to have had strength and bravery to achieve what they do. Even if it only took them so far, they still stood up and did something to change things around them. I know that I have strength for others. For myself, I'm not quite sure. You call others strong, and they call you strong, but what do you really that you're strong? We are weak, but we are also strong. But as people, as humans, we view things with a negative perspective. I know that you, the people that I call my friends, are strong, yet I seem to refuse to call myself the same thing.
Strength. Love. Fear. Anger. Happiness. Sorrow. Single words. Not one, not two, not three. Yet they express so much, and you don't even have to know the meaning of the words to know what they are.
 MythicalYoko · Wed Jan 31, 2007 @ 01:01am · 1 Comments |
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