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FYI, this is for a friend... but I wrote it on my computer and I was too lazy to print it out >.> There will be jokes that you will not understand... hopefully.
Things To Do (or Not To Do) While At Shadia’s House, Watching Brokeback Mountain
1. Applaud during and after the particularly explicit scenes.
2. Ask what they’re doing.
3. Take notes.
4. Demand that Shadia pause and zoom in.
5. Bring 3-D glasses and pout when you realize the movie isn’t in 3-D.
6. Go, “awwww” constantly, even during the non-romantic scenes.
7. Press PLAY after Shadia left to go to the bathroom.
8. Mumble, “FAKE was better,” under your breath.
9. Point out the main characters and say that they resemble people we know in real life.
10. Say, “Wow, this’d make a great RP.”
11. Call another friend on cell phone and describe movie in great detail for her.
12. Stand up and chant, “HHMS! HHMS!” while rhythmically pumping fists into the air.
13. Claim that you forgot your contacts and press your nose to the TV so you can “see.”
14. Randomly burst out laughing during the teary-eyed scenes.
15. Switch DVDs (preferably to something involving happy people and rainbows… yet nothing about homosexuals) while Shadia is in the bathroom, has her back turned, etc.
16. Write a song about the movie and sing it to Shadia’s family, with accents on all swears, strange, and made up words.
17. Look disappointed when you realize that the movie isn’t animated.
18. Imitate porno music during “those scenes.”
19. BONUS WORDS: (three points each) Sarsaparilla, chinchilla, foam, Jesus, emo, and antidisestablishmentarianism.
20. Constantly ask, “Do they have HHMS now?” during the beginning of the movie.
21. Respond to “those scenes” as if you’re watching an action movie. Some recommended phrases would include, “Look out!” “Ahhhh!!!” and “He’s right on top of you!”
22. Be completely emotionless during the heartfelt scenes and then burst into tears during the somewhat uneventful ones.
23. Repeatedly use the words, “Ooooh” and “Ahhhhh…”
24. If someone dies, childishly say, “He/She comes back to life, right?”
 Killer Mockingbird · Mon Jan 08, 2007 @ 09:44pm · 2 Comments |
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