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sadly i dont have a picture of Rain
Life has been, well complicated and painful for the past month.... Not very many people know this... but i recently lost my baby bird. She was two and her name was Rain. I actually have an account named after her here in gaia (Deviant_Rain).... She died around the 14th of October, and other then a few friends and the immediate family that i live with, i told almost no one. Its affect me in a large way though, since i raised her from birth and i was the only human she would willingly let touch her, without her biting the hell out of me. Many things happened with this bird. She was once lost, in the forest across our house.... During that time i felt i would lose her, cause i couldnt find her. But in the end i did... And looking back it was actaully a very funny situation. I nursed her back to health many different times and though she killed my baby buggies, i never hated her. I loved her, like she was my own child.
Rains death was completely unexpected... I hadnt noticed any signs of her upcoming future since not even three days before she died i had held her. I had noticed that she was light in weight but she was an active bird and plus all the birds were losing weight. It wasnt until after her death that my mother informed me that she was laying down on the ground a lot. I will never forget though the time i found her dead.
Like any normal feeding day i had gone out to the aviary. The birds were adnormally loud and it wasnt until i was completely done that i realize i hadnt seen or heard Rain at all. I was freaking out, thinking she had gotten lose again, but then i noticed her blue feather peeking over the woodden door frame. I remember screaming out her name and opening the door, praying she was alive. But she wasnt... I carried her into the house, crying more then i ever had... I hadnt even cried that much when my grandfather had died... or when my grandmother did... I cried for days after i lost her.... The worst part was, that nothing was visably wrong with her... I had lost my baby...
It took a while for me to relax, not completeley, but enough so that i could put a smile on my face and laugh again. Enough so that i didnt cry every moment.... I will never forget my blue bird though... My rare little beauty that was more beautiful then the brillant color of her mother. If Rain was a true blue color... it would have been the blue she was.... I miss her soo much... i miss my baby...
After the month passed by slowly, more problems came up and i had to slowly make myself forget Rain, and deal with the things that faced me... I thought of her in my free time, but i slowly became more accepting to the thought she was gone. It took a while, and it took me having more problems in my life, but it happened... And i was ready to let her go.
Last night, i noticed something though. Another bird of ours was acting up. Like rain, she was a favorite of mine. Her names was Clu and if you look back into my journal you will find that Clu has been sick. (in journal entry "The snow ball becomes bigger" wink She was half blind, couldnt see anything but shadows so she was very picky about who she trusted... And who she liked. Clu use to be a very stubborn bird that never let anyone hold her. Throughout the 11 years we had her though... she became soft. Automatically took to my mother and then after my mother became too busy, took to me. I loved Clu and i held her probably more often then anyone. She had made the choice to trust my mother and I, which made my bond with her strong. I protected her, again like she was my child. In the past two years, Clu has become friendly with a lot of the family, but most the time she would only let my mother and i hold her.... Anyone else would be bit. That didnt mean she didnt let them pet her....
This past year with Clu has been difficult..... Clu got sick, badly sick. She started to throw up any food she tried to eat, and got super weak and skinny. CLus crop was failing her and we didnt know why so we took her to the vet. They gave us meds for her, and we almost lost her but she became better. After being sick for monthes she was back to her old self. We started to feed her the normal food and for a month or two she was just fine.
The past week though.... something happened. At first Clu was throwing up every now and then, which worried me... Then the past three days were horrible... Clu was as sick, and even worse then she had ever beem within a two day period. Before it had taken her monthes to get anywhere close to as sick as she was... Now it only took her two days. Yesterday i had a strong urge to pick her up... I didnt kow why, but i was worried. Like a mother i took her in my arms and held her, covering her with blankets so that she stayed warm. From time to time though, she would twitch, like she was going to throw up, and then put her beak down. i would hold her beak up, to make it soo she would stay with me. I could tell something was seriously wrong, because all she was interested in doing, was closing her eyes and putting her beak down. I felt that something was very wrong and trued to express that to my mother, but couldnt get the right words out. I was witnessing my baby die....
This morning... Clu was talking to my sister who sat in the chair next to her cage. I hade left for an hour to take my boyfriend to training. When i came back i went to go get ready for a welcoming party. I was out here in the front room when my sister said"umm Clus at the bottom of her cage." I knew what was wrong, and the only thing i could do was go to the front door, take a deep breath and keep myself from crying. I heard my mom walk down the hall, crying... she knew too but needed some one to comfirm.... I didnt even need to look at Clu to know... I just told my mother... that she was gone... Clu was dead....
I told my mother that i felt Clu dying yesterday... Last night.... My mother was breaking down and yelled. "Why didnt you tell me"..... There was nothing i could have done to stop Clu from dying... Nor was there a way to know that what i had felt was true.... There was no way i could help her i any way shape or form..
Rain was only two and Died from unknow causes. Clu was around the age of 47 and died from what we believe was cancer.... My babies, have been torn from me, and all i can do is wish for the safety in what ever place they are act, and hold back my tears.
For all those who say a bird can not be my baby. F*CK YOU! GO TO HELL! You cant feel what i am feeling now, you have not raised the birds i did. YOU can not understand so dont be an a**. Dont think that you know everything!
 Ishira Tsubasa · Wed Nov 22, 2006 @ 06:03am · 4 Comments |
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