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My Life inside and out of this game

	Hating life
	Hating life


i had a breakdown last night... a small one but it was enough to tell me when i finally have my big one that i wont be around to have another one... how do i know this?? its simple last night i wanted to kill myself... and in a way i still do.. i no longer want to live in not only physical but mental pain as well all day everyday... i hate my life and i know people have it worse but everyone has their limits and i have found mine... i no longer want to black things out i no longer want to be hated and unloved by my blood father... i no longer want to be treated like crap by others... everything i do seems to be wrong now and i hate having this feeling... i hate living... i hate not being able to be as active as i was... i wanna play sports and i wanna do everything i use to.. people say oh katie you can do that as soon as you finish stretching... you guys dont get it i need it now or ill die... i cant stand it.. i have nothing to relieve this stress... i have talked to numerous people.. nothing is helping me what so ever... my grades are totaly gone and yah thats my fault but its hard to consitrate when you have so much stress on you. I no longer want to hide who i truely am to people but in the end i end up doing that anyways... life sucks and if i could remember what was bugging me this year and last year i would have more things to put down.... i hate life and i hate myself... the only reason i dont have cuts anywhere on my body is because i promised i wouldnt put cuts there... oh and i have something to say for all those assholes who have told me not to do this and not to do that and then say i can hit them but when i do they get pissed ****** YOU!!! you guys suck a and you arent helping me stay here one bit... the only people keeping me here are my merf and a few of my friends... other then that i dont see a lot people caring if i died.... Sheelie im srry but yes at the moment i am suicidal Ishira Tsubasa* · Fri Jan 14, 2005 @ 03:16pm · 4 Comments


Ishira Tsubasa Community Member «Prev \| Next» Archive \| Home [03/20/12 10:27am] [04/19/11 03:32am] [01/08/10 10:20pm] [03/12/09 09:23pm] [01/02/09 09:58pm] [03/22/08 05:54am] [03/03/08 07:05pm] [01/29/08 11:18pm] [12/27/07 04:16am] [12/05/07 08:49am]

	User Comments: [4]
	User Comments: [4]


	sad I'm sorry I can't be there to help you sis. I probably couldn't completely understand everything you are going through and I'm so sorry I wish I could help you...but I guess you don't want my help but that's ok. I'm still going to be here if you ever need to talk ok. On another note..never hide who you truely are no matter what people think about you. sweatdrop I used to do that and it's makes you feel so...how do you explain it..hmm..bleh. xp Lets just say you don't feel so special. Anyways, just know that your true friends will always love you for who you are no matter what and that is what counts. 3nodding Even if you only have a few true friends...like maybe one or two..that doesn't matter because you know that those one or two friends will always be there and will never leave you in the dust. Now I don't know what kind of stress you are going through but if you wish to speak of it to me then I'm here or maybe if you wish to speak of it with one of your other friends then go ahead. talk to someone who will listen. I probably should end this now since it's as long as your entry so um I guess I hope things get better for you ok. Offline Angel Serene · Community Member · Fri Jan 14, 2005 @ 11:23pm


	Auntie, you have to know that you are VERY loved! By very many people. Please, don't do anything drastic. My father, blood father, also does not love me, or want me as his own... and I wish everyday that it was different. Please, listen to me, if you hurt or even kill yourself, many MANY people would be very depressed! I know I would. And I would definitly cry. Don't EVER think you are uncared for, OKay? I know I care very much, Lucas loves you and if anything ever happened to you, he would die himself, and I know Shellie and Forest and Betty and I would be heartbroken if anything ever happened to you. Please, I'm not just saying this to make you stop the feelings because I know I can't make that happen, I'm saying it because I MEAN it! I'm the same way as you are right now, and actually, we're a lot alike, but we show it kinda differently. And sometimes, I wish I could blackout my memories... So many guys are creeps and I think that no young girl should go through what I went through and what I'm pretty sure you went through. Having one night to haunt you, I know how it feels... I feel that every single night, but I don't do anything about it. You have Lucas to talk to, but I can't find words to say to anyone. You have a great guy who loves you with all his heart and you love him, and I'm here scared of love, and what it might do to me. Katie, I love you, and I want to help. But right now I'm even helpless to myself. I'm lost and I have no one around me to help. Beleive me, if I had someone like Lucas around, I would be in so much better state of mind. Let him help, he's good at it. Remember, like I have said before, I am ALWAYS there for you, and I will always be there to listen or talk about anything at all to make you feel at least a little better, ok? And you are loved, and if ever you doubt that, think about me, Lucas, Shellie, Forest, and Betty. Okay? Luvs for ever ~Sarah Offline Krishna230 · Community Member · Sat Jan 15, 2005 @ 07:47am


	I'm sorry sis, I jsut don't know what to say anymore, it's obvious I'm not a help to you so I'm sorry I can't do anything Offline Pl00 · Community Member · Sat Jan 15, 2005 @ 07:20pm


	I don't know if I can help, but I'll try. If this sounds funny, it's because I'm really sick, but you seem like you need to know that people care and that's why I'm writing this. I don't know you to well, but I care a lot. Sometimes you have to live with things - family members that don't love you, being physically unhealthy, thinking you don't matter. That's all crap. All of it, and I want you to know that. If someone hates you for who you are, no matter how you know them, who the hell cares ? You're a good person and if they don't like you they can live without really knowing you. I have never met a single person that doesn't like you. Not a single one, and I know a lot of people. Just because someone's related to you doesn't mean they're a good person, or that their opinion should impact your life if they don't like you. Anyone who doesn't like you doesn't sound like a winner to me, so don't worry about him. Some people suck, and you have to realize that and move on. As for being unhealthy or whatever ? Always have hope. Always. Hope is what makes people move on with their lives. Hope of love, hope of having kids, hope of living your one ideal life - because if you can pull through this, you'll be a very strong person and you'll be able to achieve at anything. Just keep at it. You'll make it. If you need something, get it. You may have to work your a off to get it, but you can do it. If anybody else can, you can, and I know a lot of other people who have. As for hating yourself and life ? Why ? Because people like you and care about you ? Life is hard, but if you don't have it you don't have anything. Anything great has to be earned. Keep working towards all the things that seem so far away, like loving yourself, like being happy, beacuse they're worth it. Once you have these things you'll never let them go because you'll have worked hard and they are worth keeping. Keep going. That's my advice to you. Keep going beacuse it's worth it. Keep going because you're worth it. Keep going because people care about you a lot, maybe more than you know. Never give up. NEVER. Giving up is the lamest way of chickening out possible, and I'm not saying this because I think you'll do it. I'm saying this because you're a survivor. If you've made it this long, why give up now ? I hope this is coming out right. If this doesn't help at all, ignore it, but I hope my message gets through. Don't ever give up. Offline S3htek** · Community Member · Sat Jan 15, 2005 @ 09:06pm

	User Comments: [4]
	User Comments: [4]

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