I watch as the clock turns its eyes in a different direction. Avoiding the pitiful look staining my face. Denial of a beautiful moment to avoid hating myself for a single second. Granted, I suppose I ask for so much as it is. Not enough. Too close. Too far... so much. too much... no clear lines drawn between these broken-hearted lies drunk with good intention as you purposely smudge the ink and battle lines. Smiling all the while, with nothing but time to spare. And even when I'm staring you straight in the face, biting my tongue so hard, I honestly drown in the thick blood swelling up inside of the emptiness and making me gag... or maybe that's you. Thick and hard to swallow, I suppose. But something's got to fill this empty void placed between my heart and eyes. Stomach sinking down in submission. Without an escape from your venomous promises. Hearing familiar, but babbled, words that fasten themselves onto my delicate outer shell to look through any kind of mask I would ever bring myself to try and cover my face with. You crack through all self-defense and you seem almost as fascinated as the hour hand is, glaring hard into this fatigued and fictitious character of sorts. I play this part well, I'm told. Even in the dark corners of your unwelcome but sweet smelling bed sheets and blanket. Fragile and malicious this whole thing has become in so short a time. And it's so much easier to make myself laugh than to bring myself to cry tears I lost countless hours ago. Days now, it seems. No longer sober or sane, by any means, there's no need for truth or sense of time. And in this moment of revelations and realizations, I wanted to tell you how useless time had become to us, now. It was no longer right or wrong. Or when or why. Simply nail, tooth and claw. and I had run this through my head enough times in the steps taken backwards rather than standing still, that I became confident and had to tell you before I forgot. But I looked around. And you were nowhere to be found. So I could tell you no more lies. Eyes turn and I have nothing of any worth to say at this time. Not now. Not ever.
 Made27 · Fri Jan 07, 2005 @ 02:38pm · 1 Comments |
