I dunno... I've been a little emotional lately. It might be stress. It might be all the weird stuff that's been happening to me at once. It might just be that I've got PMS or something like that. Who the hell knows? And I know I was emotional in high school and all, but that was because I was bored and had nothing better to do than be introspective and emo.
College is different. I mean, I always knew it would be different: different teaching styles, different people, different classes, different place, etc. And all this is true! But I didn't think that I wouldbe having the problems I've been having. I suppose I wanted something different in high school that I want now. In high school I had some distorted fantasy that when I got to college people would be lining up to date me. Now that it's sort of happening, I can't say that I like it. While they're not exactly fighting over me, there's definately a list. And it's growing.
Bree tells me that people who see me sitting at Noyer will turn to her and say "who's that?" In a way that they may be interested, if you catch my drift. I suppose I ought to be flattered, and I know many girls who would play it up and flirt, play games and such. But truth be told, it scares the hell out of me.
The ones who actually have the guts to ask me out are the quiet ones. Ones like Tommy and Chad (Chad is into transcendental meditation and obviously does not approve of my love of ham). Or Whitney who is so tall that he's impossible to do the Lindyhop comfortably with and has the incredible ability to intimidate anyone. People like Ian who are too caught up in themselves that they might as well still be in high school. People like Phil who are just a little too creepy for my tastes.
In case you haven't noticed, I'm loud and obnoxious. But carefree and low-maintainence. I've seen what relationships do to people. And when there's already tension in a relationship as platonic as passing acquaintences, it's bound to end badly.
I'm thinking about exiling myself from my usual places. Everywhere I go, there's bound to be a problem. Either Chad'll want to eat with me (he claims that he does transcendental meditation everyday before he eats, but I'm not sure I see the point in that.) or we'll have a Jason/Cait confrontation which makes everything awkward, even if no one admits to it.
The break will do us all a lot of good. We can forget about all the crap that's happened this semester and start anew. Hopefully the lot of them will have forgotten about me or moved on... all the relationship problems will have been mended... we can start over.
I know that's a bit of unrealistic. But I like to think of myself as an optimistic person.
It could happen.
Right?
 Gethsemane · Sun Apr 23, 2006 @ 05:19am · 2 Comments |
