Have you ever felt so close/attached to someone and all you wanted to to was stay by their side? You remember the majority of all your conversations even the tiny stuff when they forgot all about it. Even when they piss you off to no end or hurt you always end up forgiving them.
You would usually say that you are in love with someone if you've done things like that. I am very much in love with him. But for me I don't want to be in a romantic relationship with him. (If I were to for some strange reason end up in a romantic relationship with him I'd be totally cool with it.) I just really admire him and want to know more and more about him. Sometimes I think my actions would seem stalkerish even though they are tiny things that most people do. It sometimes hurts when I don't talk to him for a while but when I do I can never think of anything to say. I get uber nervous. It also seems like he doesn't want to talk to me. I know he's busy all the time but... I don't know. I just get that vibe and sometimes my instincts are right about these things.
I get a tad bit jealous when he tells me that he has a girlfriend. At times I wish that he would love me the way I love him, despite the fact that I don't want him. I know it seems weird but that's how it is for me.
Now really thinking about it I guess when we first met I knew I wouldn't have a chance so I shoved myself in the friend zone in order to secure my place. I really do love the relationship we have made over the years and he is a genuine person that I look up to all the time and think so highly of. So friend zoning myself wasn't too bad an idea. If I actually went for him back then our friendship might not even be here.
I don't think I will ever tell him this upfront unless we get to a point where I just can't stand it and let everything out.
I'm not sure if he will ever read this, and if he does I'm not sure if he will know that it's about him. But if he does I hope that he understands where I'm coming from when I say all of this.
 Kioko260 · Sat Jan 14, 2012 @ 07:57am · 0 Comments |
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