I find the rhythm hard to follow. My heart shudders and tries to compete. But frail and weak it is. I shut down. The light fades, and darkness consumes me. Risen from my chest the numbness is all I feel. How could all of this suffering and pain stay hidden. My eyes has shield me from my mental distress. Now it's coming down on me. Like a thousand bricks, wanting to crush me. What fool am I, to play the role of a happy person? I'm on the verge of tears. I haven't cried in two years. This is the world, darkness is taking over. And light is pushed away. Such a hypocrite, I am. I just can't help it. I hide my pain in poems and music. Will someone notice? I don't know. Would it help if they did? I highly doubt it. This is the battle within myself. And I am losing terribly. But all is fine, I need to feel pain every once in awhile. Its what makes me human, a person. A teenage girl. Agliophobia can't protect me from that. In fact I wish I could fast forward. Only if my life had that kind of control. I can't cut myself, for a fear to bleed to death. I can't not breathe, for a fear of not waking up. I can't chew myself out, for a fear of not rebounding. What is it I'm doing now? I'm taking depression to a whole new level. I feel the need to suffer, to hurt, to cry. It's been bottled up and I don't want to let go. My drug, maybe? Either way, now I'll doubt myself. I'll never be the same person I was. I've seen what has happened to me, and I won't go back. This is my depression. Hidden beneath the surface, black and dark. Tar from the inner heart. I'm not the person you believe I am. Nor am I the person I thought I was...
iElectronica · Wed Nov 23, 2011 @ 03:14am · 0 Comments |