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Anyone want to help
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Here are my two letters... I have issues with proper grammar.. I was wondering if anyone wants to help with proof reading my two letters.

Not asking to have anyone re-write my work., just looking for help with punctuation and sentence structure..

Formal
To Koss Tech:
This letter of complaint is about a headset I purchased from Newegg, on 3/21/2011. This particular headset I've had for about six months, and within that six month period the headset's microphone has faulted.

When the headset started malfunctioning it was unplugged from the computer. The audio jacks were tested on thee computer using an older microphone. This was done to make sure that it was not a problem with the machine. Attempting to use the microphone yields chopped sound, or popping noise. Most the time no sound or signal is being sent from the device, or being received. Wiggling the wire where it enters the headset allows the microphone to function temporary, but if any movement occurs it stops working.

I was informed that Koss Corporation has a lifetime replace or repair for all its professional products. As a side note Newegg has a limited replace warranty of 30 days which as stated above this product has been owned longer than that time period. On the Koss web page under the warranty section Koss offers a limited lifetime warranty for the original owner. As stated in the warranty: "Koss Limited Lifetime Warranty: Stereophones that were purchased after July of 1989 are covered by our Limited Lifetime Warranty, which covers normal use by the initial user or purchaser of this particular Koss product."

The state of the headset purchased is known; furthermore, the device has experienced normal use, and I am the original purchaser. A return letter is requested, and in that letter I request directions for where to send my product.

Your loyal customer,

Sado Rath


Informal
Hey bro,
Remember that headset I had at our previous LAN party. You know, the one I bought off the net a while ago, about six months ago. Well just letting you know the mic on it died last week. Man sending it back was an idea, but I have had it longer than the return policy.

I'm wondering if you might be able to help me. I was told you knew something about electronics by Dave. He told me that you do sound system work for car owners, and that for your hobby you work with circuitry. If your unable to help my only other option is to contact the company, and see if I’m able to get it fixed. All this is kind of Bob's fault, remember telling him so many times "dont run over the wires that tugs on the wiring harness, and don't tightly coil the cables around the headset."

Maybe I shouldn’t have allowed Bob to use my headset. If I'm unable to get help from Koss, I still to need a new headset. You know maybe my next headsets cost should come out of Bob's pocket.

Cheers,

Sado


Sadorath
Community Member
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  • User Comments: [2]
    Ziro Officer
    Community Member





    Sun Sep 11, 2011 @ 08:45pm


    Hey.

    Here's my take on your letters:

    Quote:
    This particular headset I've had for about six months, and within that six month period the headset's microphone has faulted.


    You don't need to reference the six-month timeframe twice. Simply say, "for about six months, and within that period". Also, you may want to consider "six-month" instead of "six month". Finally, add a comma after the word "period".

    Quote:
    When the headset started malfunctioning it was


    Add a comma after "malfunctioning".

    Quote:
    were tested on thee computer

    Should "thee" be "the"? (:

    Quote:
    Most the time no sound

    Two edits: Change to, "Most of the time, no sound".

    Quote:
    any movement occurs it stops

    Add a comma after "occurs".

    Quote:
    As a side note Newegg

    Two options:
    1: Add a comma after "note"; or
    2: Replace the phrase "As a side note" with "Furthermore,".

    Quote:
    days which as stated above this product

    Add commas after "days" and "above".

    Quote:
    under the warranty section Koss

    Add a comma after "section".

    Quote:
    purchased is known; furthermore

    Use of the semi-colon is a bit tricky, and I'm not an expert on this mark, so I'll give this advice: if you don't know how to use the semi-colon, then don't use it, and rewrite your statement. I'm not saying that you don't know, but you should look it up if you have doubts on where it can be used. (:

    Mostly just punctuation stuff, in particular, commas to separate clauses within sentences. I'm no English major or anything, but I'm better at it than your average writer, so, there ya go.

    Hope that helps, soldier.
    * salutes *

    __________________________
    - Ziro out.


    Sadorath
    Community Member





    Sun Sep 11, 2011 @ 11:10pm


    Thanks Ziro..
    I think I will have to inform my instructor Hamilton as to your help.


    User Comments: [2]
     
     
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