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So the past couple of days have been really...strange...
Yesterday I woke up feeling so wound up inside and so stressed it felt like I was gonna die...I don't know what happened, everything just...Crashed...My mind went completely crazy and I felt nothing at all except emptyness. Complete, total, darkness and it felt like I'd never get out of it...Then my parents kept bugging me about it and wouldn't leave me alone, despite how much I just wanted to be alone..
As the day progressed, things just kept getting worse..That feeling from before came back, I never wanted to do anything until I had her back..until Christina was home...I was so sick and tired of not being able to do anything for her it just made me feel so terrible...I'm just completely lost without her..then well some other things happened that I'd really rather not talk about...
So then later that day my parents persisted on bothering me again and tried to get me up and going, and all I did was just ignore them and sit there, curled up, waiting for the nightmare to end...
My parents got so worried about me they threatened to send me away to a hospital, I guess I really was going insane at that point...Then they called Christina's mother to see if she knew what was going on, and I guess they talked for a while and figured somethings out and told her some things I wish they hadn't...In the end it only made me more mad at them...I screamed at them, stormed upstairs, and refused to talk again, then finally I just broke down...I flat out started bawling and just completely fell to pieces, still clinging to the things that she left me to try and make me feel better...
I stood there, shaking and crying for about half an hour, maybe even longer, motionless aside from my constant shaking...
I really don't know what happened...I guess being away from Christina just made me go completely crazy...I need her...
I just can't survive without her...
Too dependent my a**...I just love her, with every bit of my heart that I possibly could give to her...
My parents told me it's hard on her parents too, and even her mom told me that, but at least they still get to see her, they still see her about as often as I did before she was even sent there in the first place, and I'm left here in the dark with no means of contact with her aside from some ink ad paper that takes days at a time to get to her...and they have the nerve to tell me they're as bad off as I am....Yea right...
My greatest regret is that I can't be there to hold her hand and support her through all this...if only I could be though..this wouldn't happen if only they'd let me be there for her...I love her...I really, truly, fully do...
I'm sorry though...I guess I'm just being pathetic again...but I can't help it, I love her...
Please let her come home safely...Bring her home soon...Please....
<3I love you Christina...Forever and ever, til death do us part...<3
 II Xero II · Sun Jan 03, 2010 @ 01:43am · 0 Comments |
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