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This was on my compy. From forever ago.
Heehee, this was the beginning of the good year =)
It's funny how I thought it was so personal but it's really not at all. Oh and also that as usual I never followed through with continuing it. xD I just leave scraps of my thoughts everywhere but most of them are never recorded.
~~~
4/12/08
1:02 AM
Listening: Beautiful World--Utada Hikaru
"Beautiful boy, you don't even know how beautiful you are"
Well, long time no...update, I guess...
Big long explanation time: over Spring Break, so much happened that I wanted to say, that it overwhelmed me and I just blew it off until I didn't care or just forgot what I wanted to say.
I swear, this past few months...I was so frustrated with how slowly I was growing up, and all of the sudden I can just feel myself maturing so quickly, it's amazing. It really excites me...I mean I'm so optimistic, probably more optimistic than I've been my whole life. Way more.
*sigh* I hate this. See, this is what I wanted to talk about. Growing up. The major theme of my life since 13.
But man, there's so much I want to say just running through my brain, and I can't explain it!! I can't catch my throughts because they just zoom out of my head before I get them, and then come in a zillion others.
Hm...but this is why I started doing this. Descriptions aren't sufficient. I wanted to attempt to give people a real glimpse into my head. I don't know why I want to so badly, I just do.
But because of this crazy inability to express myself, I've only posted frivolous things. Like what was just up here.
Well, people already know that Aislyn. I want...grr...maybe I shouldn't be so open. But I just want to. Besides, does anybody even read this thing anyway? Ha, I didn't think so. No problem, then.
So. Back to the topic. Growing up. Ever since I was like...was it fifth grade? Maybe even earlier. I never wanted to grow up. In fact, I hated being even ten. I wanted to be four again! Already I could feel things changing, ever so slightly. And it sucked.
I don't remember much about that time though. So fast forward to thirteen. I start thinking a lot. About people. About me. About the world. About patterns of all these. Just...stuff.
Things got more complicated then. You know, you got more responsiblity, things aren't simple anymore. You aren't as naive, you can't take things at face value...grr, I didn't like it much. But I dealt with it.
Freshman year. Kinda got worse. Started hating growing up even more.
Sophomore year. The beginning of it absolutely sucked. Even the summer before. Oh my gosh, probably the worst year of my life. Ha, maybe I'm just saying that because I remember it the best. Maybe. Who cares? That's what I feel now.
So...blah. Stop getting off topic. Old wounds I'd thought were healed years and years ago opened and got deeper. It didn't help I had to over-analyze things. People got even more frustrating and hard to understand.
Then came drama. Which we'll have to talk later because I've run out of space.
Man, this was so personal. *trembles* I'm scared. I half-hope no one reads this. >.< Lol
 LadyAlisyn · Sat Nov 28, 2009 @ 12:58am · 0 Comments |
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