|
|
|
I wasn't the least bit interested in Keith's words of comfort. He'd always been the sort of person to make promises he couldn't keep. I didn't view this situation as any different. In fact, I doubted there was anything he could bring to the table. Keith was as much a ladies man as Toby. What could he possibly know about pain and heartbreak? Heartbreak. That was something only I could deal with.
“You do love me right?”
A long time ago I had been hesitant to ask the question. A naive girl, I thought if anything were to go wrong with our relationship, the blame rested solely on me. I was new to romance. To think this fresh love presented to me of all people who was so different from him, with no strings or lies attached, was my mistake.
I hate Toby. Deep, from the farthest cobwebbed corners of my heart, it holds a special hate for him. He damaged my ability to trust, to love. Yet, I continue to believe his horrid actions shouldn't hurt. Why should it? Why won't his sins wash away from my memories? Why must my mind remain constantly on him? If I had to admit that I loved him, even in the past, I could not escape my eternal self loathing. It is the reason I would rather forget.
“Mai, why do you even ask?” He squeezed me tightly in his arms. “It's fate, right?”
Back then, I didn't agree or disagree. I wanted to feel him. I wanted to taste his lips, lock them with mine, because I hoped he belonged to me. But then he would laugh and burst my bubble with his words.
“I'm kidding! I don't believe in fate y'know.” He grinned. “But we're together for a reason, right? I believe that. You're so adorable.” He squeezed tighter.
I would rather forget.
I would rather forget the things which kill me inside.
During school, the rage inside of me blotted my concentration. His stupid face kept appearing in my thoughts. It was all I could do not to storm out of the school and go home. Instead, I wrote in my notebook every little thought that popped into my head. I had 3 pages filled, Toby's name written all through them.
If only I could believe in Karma. Then, all my worries would be laid to rest. But somehow the guy escaped through life with no real consequences. It made me doubt every prayer I had ever sent to God. The last one being, “God, I know I'm praying for the misfortune of another, but could you please do the world a justice by striking him with lightning? I could even settle for an injury. Just please let him suffer for his wrongs!”
I can't figure out the reason he still stands unharmed. I wondered what I ever saw in his deceptive soul and those clear lake water eyes that pierced so deeply into me, figuring the best excuses.
Keith made a compelling point. Why let revenge go to waste? I relished the thought as I trudged onward to the next class. Toby hadn't wasted any time at all. He used me, like a steering wheel, to get where he was going. I'd wasted the last year and a half giving my heart to a guy who gave nothing in return but pain. I would not allow it to continue. Already my anger was resurfacing and replacing any sadness about the past.
I bared with murderous thoughts and shady intentions down to the last bell. My body was exhausted from holding back emotions. I felt as if my energy had been drained, every last drop. I trudged through the narrow hallways as fast as I could. And it wasn't very fact. That old school was a two story building with classrooms bursting at the seams. In the hallways there was barely enough space to move, let alone breathe. I didn't bother thinking about the homework I knew I would not do. My grades were bad enough that I didn't want to tangle with them. I stopped at one of the school water fountains eager to take my mind off all my troubles.
I felt a tap on my back as I leaned in to get the last gulp. I ignored it as I had been doing to almost everyone. I hunched over the fountain, drinking even more, determined not to face the person behind me.
"Hello!" A face greeted suddenly in front of mine. The personal space murderer leaned in beside me, smiling broadly. I almost chocked on water out of surprise.
 Chahklat · Fri Jul 31, 2009 @ 12:51pm · 0 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
