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[********. It's my birthday, I'm 23. Huzzah. Wrong. I hate today. I really, really hate it. I used to look forward to my birthdays, then when I had my 15th birthday and my 16th was missed, it was kinda discouraging. I had my 17th, but since then, I haven't had any kind of party, hell I've even had to remind my damn family "hey, I'm older TODAY." they're like "congrats," and don't get it until I say "ITS MY DAMN BIRTHDAY!" then I get a "oh, yeah. Happy Birthday."
Really exciting.
It's kinda disheartening. Everyone in my family, aside from my mother whose birthday was yesterday all have had parties. My mom requested no parties for her because she was turning 40 and didn't want to be reminded. I on the other hand, would like to know that someone in my family even remembers that it's my birthday. Last year sucked as well, hell, it's all sucked since I was 17 years old. It's not like I'm turning 22 all over again, no. I'm turning 23 at 3:08PM today. I will officially be 23 years old. What will I be doing? Picking my cousin up at school.
I know this might sound a bit pathetic, but seriously, if you were in my shoes, you'd probably be a little upset since birthdays are such a big deal in my family.
It's kinda upsetting. You'd like to know your family atleast remembers what day you were born on, ya know? It's not like you can relive the age you just were. It's not like "Oh yeah. I'll just turn 21 or 22 all over again." Ain't happening. -_- It's not like I can rewind time, if I had that power, I'd fast forward it to the 17th, so I could just get this day over with.
Sometimes I wish February wouldn't come around, or atleast the 16th, I don't care about the 3rd, the 15th, the 19th or the 27th those all belong to my cousin, mom, my father figure and my best friend. I just hate my birthday because it's sucked for sooo long.
My 21st birthday was on a Saturday... Can you guess what I did? Nothing. All my friends were out of town doing other things, and my family ******** forgot it was my birthday! Well, except for Thomas, (the father figure) he didn't. But it'd be nice if maybe ONCE before I turn 30 or hell even 25 I'd get a party, like I said, it's not like I'm gonna turn the same age all over again next year, if I could, I'd be repeating 22 because I don't feel like I did enough in that age. But it'll be really shitty to be looking back on my life 10 years from now, when I'm 33 and think "Yeah, my late teens and early 20s really sucked. I didn't even get a sweet 16 party. That's a pretty important age!"
I'm never doing this s**t to my kids. Even if I'm ******** BROKE as hell, I'm counting change and atleast taking them to DQ for a ******** ice-cream cone! Jesus, it's been feb 16th for over an hour and 9 minutes and my brother and mother have both talked to me several times and never once said "happy birthday" I was following my mom around 2 minutes before midnight and as soon as it was 12:00 I told her happy birthday!
WTF!
This isn't fair! My uncle's wife last year got my mom this extravagant scrapbooking set, I mean there was a couple hundred bucks worth of stuff in there, and I got a ******** tootsie-pop.. and that I asked for cause she had a bowl of them sitting on the counter and I asked if I could have one. My birthday is the day after my mother's. It's not like it's that damn hard to remember, because they all remember to pick on her for her age. I have to remind them. What the ********? I mean seriously, this isn't fair. And my uncle's wife, she's ******** old and has a huge party every year since I've known her. I've known her for 10 years, and she has never, EVER missed a birthday. Ever. We have cake, ice-cream and sing her happy birthday and give her gifts etc and I've had 5 birthdays missed. Well, 6 counting my 16th, I couldn't really care about my 17th because really 16 is a HUGE turning point in a person's life. You can get your liscense at that age, you're 2 years closer to being considered an adult, and I missed that birthday, and my 18th birthday.. Doesn't seen quiet fair.
My uncle who I have NOTHING to do with came around for a short time when I was 18 and he and his then wife found out my birthday had come and gone, and they'd missed it, so they gave me a car, I had to replace parts and things, but they paid for those, I just put them on.. Which took 2 days. But my uncle whose never really been around remembered my birthday yet my family who I see EVERYDAY can't? I'm starting to really feel black-sheeped here.
I know I probably sound angry, and I am, but I'm really more sad/depressed than I am angry. It's upsetting that others around you have birthday parties even if it's a home-made cake and I don't even get a damn "Oh yeah, Happy Birthday Sasha." cry
Actually, I'm not one bit happy at all. I feel like just going to bed now and staying in bed all day and not leaving the bedroom until it's after midnight. I know as soon as I go to sleep and wake up it's going to be one of the shittiest days I think I'll have had.. So far.
New Years Eve sucked more d**k than a porn star, but I don't want to talk about that. I think out of the 47 days that have passed so far only 17 were worth a s**t, and by that I meant I wasn't fighting with my brother, or having some serious bipolar moments. Which this might be considered, I haven't been able to sleep for over a week. Not even sleeping pills are putting me out like they used to. I guess there's alot more than just the fact it's my birthday and I hate it.
I'm tired of being single, I'm just tired of everything. Jesus Christ, I'm 23 years old and the only boyfriends I've ever had were online because um, I've got agorphobia. ninja So, instead of "sweet 16, never been kissed" it's like "the b***h is 23 and still ain't kissed a guy."
I really hate everything right now. evil I read a story I wrote last May, it revolved around me and the one friend I did have- Scott, I really liked him, and it seemed like things were going pretty good, he seemed to like me in the same sense as I liked him. Then everything as usual went into a downward spiral into the farthest pit of hell. While we were hanging out, we'd spent every waking moment talking to each other, he'd be on break and we'd be texting each other, he'd come home and we'd spend hours talking, and then for like 2 month every night when he'd get off of work he'd come by and get me and we'd go to his place and play guitar hero or whatever, then it all stopped. Just WHAM. Over. We didn't talk for like a week and then finally one night we were talking and he told me in an a*****e way that he was now dating someone and since then, we've only spoke a few times. And each time he brought her up into the conversation then it would die.
Ugh, This truly is a bipolar moment. I can't stop thinking about how much that ******** hurt and how much I hate my birthday. I think I should probably stop writing this.. and change the music I'm listening to. It's just causing more emotional disturbances.
Peace.
 WatchTheSunDie · Mon Feb 16, 2009 @ 07:45am · 0 Comments |
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