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That life gets hard sometimes.
But we're all going to work past it. And that eventually it'll all be okay? And that we can't run away. That we've got to face our life head on whether we're fully equip with a sheild and sword or not. That life is going to throw itself at you, and when you finish that and start over new, it's going to come full force at you again. But you can do it. You can make it. There will always be someone out there who believes in you. That no matter what happens or where you are, someone is there. Even if you haven't met them yet, you will. But until you meet them, you'll be able to hang on and find out who they are. And then one day, life won't be so hard. And you can be happy for the rest of your days. Because life has given up trying to beat you. And then soon after, you'll look back on everything and smile that it all actually happened. You'll close your eyes and take a deep breath, and you'll smile. And that's when you'll be in complete peace. Because even though life beat you, you've still won.
That it's okay to cry.
Sure, letting out a few tears can make you angry. But when you look deep into it, those tears mean something. They mean that you're only human. Even if they aren't sad tears. Happy tears, angry tears, or just tears. We're all only human, that's all we can be. Tears falling don't show sings of weakness. No, in my opinion, they show that you've accepted yourself as what you really are. You've accepted your fears and your courage. That you've accepted your reason for crying, you've accepted what's been given to you. Our tears are gifts. I can't say who gave them to us, but I can say they were given to us for unexplainable reasons. Dreams and tears are given to us from birth. You come into life crying. And you dream. You can lose your dreams, and you can lose your tears. But you only lose them because you stop accepting them. You stop embracing the purpose they have.
Everything is going to hurt.
It's going to hurt physically, mentally, emotionally. It's going to hurt you on purpose, rarely ever on accident. And when those accidental hurts occur, we'll find in our hearts how to forgive. How to forgive, how to love, how to forget, how to remember, how to accept. And the hurt that's on purpose, it'll stay with you. It's easy to lie and say you've gotten over the permanent hurt when you really haven't. You've just gotten used to it being there. The truth is, no matter how much everything hurts, truth will always hurt you the most. It will always break you down. It'll always be there, following you. But it won't hurt as much to seek out the truth before it finds you first. And sure, sometimes the pain comes back, but when it comes back and hits your heart, you'll feel terrible. You'll be hurt and in so much pain. You'll be afraid to go on. But you will. Remember that one person who will always believe in you? At your weakest point, they'll show up. There's going to be a mess of times where you think it's the worst and weakest time of your entire life, but the person who believes in you hasnt come yet. When they come, you will know.
But what is it all about?
It's all about acceptance. It's about goodbyes. It's about hellos. It's about crying while smiling. It's about hurting but living. It's about the day you take that one last deep breath, and not caring where you are. It's all about that day. The day you decide to lay down and close your eyes. The day you decide that taking one last deep breath is good. The day you smile, and let the tears fall, remembering the good and the bad. Deciding the bad was worth living through to get to the good. feeling proud that even though life thinks it has finally won, you're the real winner. The day that all you'll ever have left to say is thank you. To everyone. Not to just yourself or to a friend. You'll thank everything. All the people you grew up with, all the people who never liked you, the people you never liked. The ones you loved, and the ones who loved you in return. The ones you proved wrong, the ones who knew what you could do the whole time. You'll be thanking the one and only person who ever believed in you. You'll be thanking the bad times you had, and the good ones that followed after. You'll be thanking all the tears that fell, all the dreams you had, all the memories made, all the smiles shared. All the pain felt inside.
Who am I?
Here I am. I am human. I cry. I make mistakes. I feel pain and hurt, and I inflict pain and cause hurt to others. I smile, I laugh. I lie. I speak the truth. I can only be me. I'm only good at being myself. I don't dream, but I cry. I cry for everything. I feel hatred, I feel love. I feel care, I feel sadness. Pain is there inside of me, and I'm learning to accept it. Truth be told, I cry every night. I've cried everynight to myself for a long time. I thought I cried for pity, but I guess it took me a while until I finally realized why I was really crying. There are so many times I feel like I should end early, before really getting to take that last deep breath, before I really get to be happy. Before I can look life in the eye and smile a real smile for once in my whole life. Before I can laugh a whole-hearted laugh. Before I can really close my eyes and thank the things I need to thank. Before I descend to where I'm supposed to go, if I'm really supposed to go anywhere at all.
Another truth, I'm afraid of everything. It's easy to appear strong all the time. But underneath the rough outside, is a soft hearted, small, fragile self. It presses it's hands against the walls and try to push it's way out. But it's just too weak. It can't push out. Inside wants out. Everything always wants out. To run away from everything.
I'll be honest. The real me? It overthinks things. It's hypocritical. It's judgemental. It's self-centered. It's bipolar. It tried to make everything else around it happy. It believes in nothing, yet trusts everything. It's gullible. It's weak minded. It's eyes are forced shut and held shut. Its hands are in front of its face. It reaches out to try and grab the hand of the one who believes, but it hasn't found that person yet, or has it? The real me is always cold on the surface. On the inside, it's sitting there. It's scratched days onto the wall, counting how long it's going to take. But it can still be happy.
The happiness is there. It smiles. It meets new people, tries new things. It still cries. It still dreams. And every single day, it still pushes up against the walls. It still tries to break free. And it never succeeds. But it's getting a little stronger everytime it tries. It still over thinks things, but it still realizes life too. It still pushes. It still cries when it doesn't get out. It spends so much time trying with no luck.
But it's still going to try again the next day.
 nangal · Sat Jan 24, 2009 @ 06:20am · 1 Comments |
